Fractured

Chapter 11

It was a stupid reaction, why was I backing into a corner. Logically, I knew that none of these guys would actually hurt me. Even Raven, while handsy, has not actually shown violence toward anyone that didn't have it coming. Yet seeing those videos again had me retreating back into old behaviours and expecting the worst of those around me, particularly men.

The panic really started to set in when my back hit the wall. Brandon had stopped moving toward me and the others had all stood to watch the interaction, not daring to come closer. I was scouting exits, knowing I needed space to breath, to get myself back into the right headspace so that I wouldn't shut out the people group of people that could help me find who was tracking my information, when the sound of a door slamming open sounded from the TV. It drew the attention of everyone in the room; there was no way to ignore that sound. Knowing what was coming next, having lived and relived through it, I used their distraction as a chance to hide in the bathroom. I needed a shower anyway and after watching those videos again I am sure that if I had anything left in my stomach it would have made a reappearance.

I locked the door, knowing it would be useless against them if they really wanted in, but it would at least slow them down a little. In my rush to get in here I didn't think about clothes if I was to shower. Ruling out a shower for right now, I settled for washing my face with some cold water from the basin.

I am not sure how long I had been there, washing and rewashing my face, trying to rid myself of the memories that come with seeing those videos. It must've been a while though, and I must have been lost in my own head longer than I thought because when I finally turned the faucet off and dried my face I was startled to see the door wide open, Brandon leaning in the frame.

"We looked at the videos after we had read the information in the file. Sorry you saw that. It can't be easy." His brows furrowed, like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to approach it. "You do know that we wouldn't hurt you, don't you? I would never... we would never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

"I know Brandon, I didn't mean to react like that earlier. Seeing those videos, reliving those moments, it brought back a lot of the feelings and emotions from those days. I may have been Academy, but I was purely white collar. I was a lawyer, who moonlighted as an accountant and psychologist for Academy members. I had had no formal training, and didn't know how to protect myself when the person attacking me was someone I cared deeply for. He gained my trust and my heart before he revealed the monster he was." For someone I had only known for about 24 hours, I had just blurted more about my time in New York to Brandon than I had to anyone since I was saved from the situation.

"Ok. Just remember that we wouldn't intentionally hurt you. We saw the information on Kayli and Blake and while some of us had accepted her decision a long time ago, others weren't so quick to get over it. Raven wasn't particularly happy when he saw those files. He might be angry, he might try to take it out on you, but stand your ground. You made the right call. I am sure you will tell us more about it when you are ready. For now, maybe come out of the bathroom and let them see you are ok."

With that he turned on his heel and walked away. As his words sunk in, I realised that I may now have to deal with an angry professional Russian. Not to mention, I had no idea how the others had reacted to the news of my part in the destruction of their family a few years ago. I could only hope they understood.

'Take a deep breath, trust your training, don't let your past define your future', I reassured myself as I re-entered the living room of the apartment. Corey, Brandon and Axel all seemed okay with the information they had learnt ad by okay I mean they don't currently look like they want to murder me.