Code Pizza

A Penny For Your Thoughts

    I crept out of bed, tiptoeing over to my bag, trying to be as quiet as I could with my IV wheelie thing, so I wouldn't wake the snoring giants in the room. Grabbing my phone and headphones, I slunk back to bed.
Success! Boom! Ninja Raelyn.
   I felt the relief of finally being able to listen to my music and drown out that FRIGGIN SNORING! Skimming through my music, I saw a song that seemed fitting to my depressed mood. O Death by Jen Titus. Humming along quietly, I thought about the current situation. I wondered if anyone would miss me if the cancer won. I wondered how long they would cry after they found out the news.
     A few grunts and groans brought me out of my dark thoughts. I glanced to the guys and saw that they were still in that half asleep stage. I turned to face the window, going back to that reclusive place in my messed up head. I ignored their stares until someone ripped my left headphone out.
       Turning my head slowly, I let my expressions be my voice. "We've been trying to get your attention for a few minutes now. Are you okay?" Jensen asked. I shrugged and went back to staring out the window again. I felt a hand grasp my chin and carefully move my head toward him. "Hey, you look like you're a million miles away. What's going on in that head of yours?" He questioned me. My chest tightened.
       "What's going on in my head? I'm wondering if anyone would miss if I FRIGGIN DIED!" I practically screamed at them. "I'm wondering what the heck I did to have the cancer come back and I'm wondering how long it'll take for me to slowly, but surely, die! I'm wondering if I'll kill myself before the cancer does." I cried. They looked at each other...almost fearfully. "Okay, okay. It's better to talk about this than to keep it bottled up. You've seen how well that works for Sam and Dean." Jared tried to diffuse the tension. I sighed, "Yeah I know, I know. But right now that doesn't make me feel any better. I want ice cream and to have a self-pity party. That would make me feel better." Jensen said "Are you sure that's a healthy way to deal with this?" I glared at him "Would you rather I fake a smile and pretend that I'm okay with having cancer flowing through me? How would you prose I deal with it in a 'healthy way'?" I crossed my arms and mimicked him. Jensen hesitated for a moment then turned back to me and asked, "What's your favorite ice cream flavor Raelyn?"