Code Pizza

Fights and So Many Tears

   I sighed once the men left, dreading the up coming weeks. Hearing Jensen's footsteps, I turned around. "So bodyguard huh?" Jensen crossed his arms and sighed. "Look Rae, it's for your own good. I want you safe and the last time you were on set, you were taken and I won't let that happen again. You mean too much to me and the rest of your family. We all searched for you and we were all worried sick about you. I will not allow that to happen again." I crossed my arms as well, trying to repel the memories that threatened to overwhelm me. "Yeah, I remember vividly what happened." I spat out. "But I miss being on set. I miss being someone important. I miss being Macie. I miss being around my Supernatural family." I tried to hide the sniffle that came out. Jensen moved to console me but I stepped back, wishing I had missed the look of hurt across his face. "I know you want what's best for me, but this just reminds me too much of Head Mistress. She would always hover around me, making sure I was doing as I was told or just to make me anxious. I hated it. I hated how she could make me scared or anxious or whatever just by being near me. I hated how weak that made me feel. I'm so tired of feeling weak. I was weak in Head Mistress' house and I'm weak because of my frigging ovaries. I will not feel this way anymore." With that, I turned on my heel and speed-walked up the stairs and to my room. With Jensen following me the entire way, trying to explain or apologize or whatever. Once I made it to my room, I slammed the door in his face. I slumped against the door, tears rolling down my flushed cheeks. I could hear Jensen's voice through the door, begging for me to open up. But I pushed myself off the door and 'raced' to my safe haven.

   I tried to read but my mind kept rounding back to my reaction. I never acted that way. I thought of myself as a level-headed, easy going person. I hardly ever lashed out and I never slam things, especially in the face of someone who cares about me. "What is going on with you Raelyn?" I muttered to the ceiling. I paced around my library, but I got tired out too easily for that, so I found myself laying on the couch, staring at nothing. I tried to rationalize why I did what I did. Maybe Head Mistress scared me on a deeper level that I originally thought. The thought of her escaping was constantly at the back of my mind since I came back home. My mind was racing and I felt like I was suffocating. I had to get out of this house or I knew I'd go crazy.

   I tiptoed out of my room, making sure that no one saw me. Luck was on my side and I slipped out the door. Clif was waiting outside and he got out of the SUV when he saw me silently open the door. He helped me into the passenger side. First time for everything. I thought to myself. We rode in silence for a few miles until Clif spoke up. "So, you alright kid?" I laughed to myself at the question. "Where do I even start? I just got home from being kidnapped from my old orphanage's leader. I'm covered in bruises and cuts. I just had an honest to god fight for the first time with someone who actually cares about me. I never fight and I never raise my voice, let alone slam a door in someone's face. I snuck out of my home and now I'm in the car with a huge guy who could totally beat me senseless if he wanted as he drives me to an empty tv show set. So yeah, I'm just peachy today." I finished my vent with sigh as I ran my hand through my still short hair. Without my permission, tears began leaking out of the corners of my eyes. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, but it was useless. "God, I'm such a mess. I should have never left the orphanage. It would've been better for everyone." I sobbed softly, not thinking Clif could hear me.

   We were at the set by the time I was done talking and Clif put the car in park. He didn't say anything as he let me out. The two of us walked to the set of the bunker in total silence. Clif abruptly stopped and I almost ran into his back. He whirled around and just stared at me. His voice was low and almost frightening. "Don't you ever say anything like that again. You are family and we would all go crazy not having you with us. Our lives are so much better with you in them. So, don't ever think that again. You understand?" I nodded with still tears running down my face. I let out a sob and Clif pulled me into a hug. "I just want to feel okay again!" He rubbed my back and allowed me to completely saturate his shirt with my cries and snot.

   Once I had no more tears to shed, he released me with a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm going to wait over here and I want you to just do what you need to do to feel okay again. Take all the time you need." Clif told me and walked over to a random chair and sat down, giving me the space I so desperately wanted.