Three Empty Words

Chapter Two

"Tell me, why am I emotional. When I knew it from the start? And tell me, why does my heart burn when I see your face?" ~ "Heartburn" by: Wafia

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Thea's PoV

A few days. It had only been a few days since the incident. It felt like days since I had spoken to anyone. I had kept to myself mostly, holed up in one of the attics of an unused house. I wanted to be alone. I wanted more time. But, I knew both of those things couldn't last forever. The only person I really wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with wasn't here. Maggie was at Hilltop, getting the medical treatment she needed.

I knew what I should be doing: helping the members of Alexandria prepare themselves for a war with Negan. I should be helping them prepare supplies to give him until we were ready to take him on, but I just couldn't. I didn't know how everyone was still functioning, able to complete tasks every day. I had lost people before, but it had never felt like this. I felt empty, like gravity was working extra hard to keep me from doing anything.

I stared at a half empty glass of water just a few feet away from me. My frown deepened. I was such a pessimist. Carl had been keeping me fed and hydrated as of late, knowing how I refused to come down from the attic. We didn't exchange many words, just empty reassurances that flew over my head. When I fell asleep in his arms on the way to Alexandria that night, it was the last night I spoke more than a few words. The last night I felt Carl's arms around me. The last night I felt a false sense of security. Oh, how naive I was.

"Thee?" a timid voice called up to me from the bottom of the pull down stairs. I had left them down upon Carl's request, so he could have easy access to me at all times. My eyes darted to those stairs, waiting for Carl to reveal himself. I pulled my knees to my chest, just as I saw the top of his head appear, and then all of him. He's recently had a shower, his mess of brown hair just a little damp. I glanced to my right, where the young Grimes' hat lied. Flashbacks of the reason why I had it with me had me squeezing my eyes shut and slightly shaking my head back and forth.

"I brought you some snacks," he informed me. I stopped shaking, but kept my eyes shut. I just needed him to leave. The more he came to me, the more my resolve faded away. I loved him, yet I wanted to distance myself from him. Images of him almost losing his arm played in my head, reiterating that fact. If I lost him, I'd feel worse than this. I don't think there is a feeling worse than the one I'm feeling right now.

"I also wanted to tell you that I'm going on a run today. We need all the extra supplies we can get so..." he trailed off, his voice soft and low. My eyes snapped open at the news.

"You can't go," I told him. My voice sounded hoarse from lack of use and the fact that I've been crying so much as of late. Carl looked at me curiously.

"My dad needs all the help he can get. I gotta go," he whispered, averting his gaze. I bit my lip and stood up on shaky legs. I stumbled forward quickly, falling into his body and wrapping my arms tightly around him.

"Please, don't go. I can't lose you too," I begged, tears once again springing into my eyes. My hands fisted the material of his shirt on his back, not wanting to let him go. Even though I didn't want to see him, I knew he was mostly safe inside the walls of Alexandria, but out there...

"Thea, you won't lose me. I'll come back, I promise you," he mumbled, kissing the top of my head. I shook my head rapidly.

"You can't promise me that anymore. Words like those don't mean anything now. Not when Negan has control of us. Not when he's already killed two of our people and taken another. You can't promise that," I cried. Carl sighed heavily. He had been patient with me the last few days, but I knew it was going to wear out. He had known these people longer, practically grew up with them. He had to be hurting more than I could ever imagine. I was being selfish.