The Dorston Fall [Book I in the Dorston Legacy]

Chapter 26 - A Mother's Prayer

Dawn.

And Nicholas hesitated at the door to Katelyn's chamber. He had been here many times, often in the highest of spirits. But now, it was a tomb; a memorial to all those good and happy memories. Subconsciously, his hand tightened around his sword hilt and he pursued his lips in indecision.

It hadn't surprised him, discovering Katelyn was missing. He knew her too well. If there was the slightest chance that her father was alive, that she could save him, he knew she would take it. No, it had not surprised him. What troubled him the most, was that she had left without saying goodbye. No, it didn't trouble him. It hurt him. She didn't even ask for his company, his assistance. He could have helped her. He would have. Without the slightest hesitation.

Did he really mean so little to her? Did their friendship mean anything? If not a friend, what was he to her? A servant? A teacher? What?

Nicholas shook his head. He was over-analysing her motives. Katelyn was strong and capable of handling her own, he knew that. By the Gods, every lord, peasant and servant knew that. She never did anything without good reason. Alone, she had a better chance. The bigger her company, he figured, the more dangerous and suspicious her situation became.

Drawing in a breath, he pushed open the door. Everything was exactly as she'd left. The bed was made, untouched. Dust had began to settle on the wooden chests, specks flew in the beams of light that shone through from the open windows. Nicholas shut the door quietly behind him and walked slowly around the room. As he passed her collection of blades, he smiled; remembering the look of joy and achievement on Katelyn's face when she mastered a technique, when she defeated him in a duel.

He passed the fireplace, and the two chairs that sat in front of them. Many a long night he and Katelyn had sat together; discussing the day and future sessions. She would sit there, sharpening her blade with a stone; concentration and admiration in her expression. If he looked hard enough, for long enough, he could almost see her sitting there, the gentlest and rarest smile across her face.

But, as Nicholas quickly reminded himself, she wasn't here. She was out there, in the wilderness, alone and without a friend in the world. He hoped and prayed that she was alright, that she was safe and well hidden from the evils of the Justice. 

Just then, the door creaked open behind him. He turned sharply and immediately dropped to his knees upon seeing his Queen walk in. 

Startled, Agnes cried out; her hand to her racing heart. "Oh Nicholas. You scared me!"

"Forgive me, Your Majesty," he apologised quickly, his head still bowed. "I did not mean to intrude-"

"You don't need to apologise," she said, stepping forward. She grasped his shoulders gently and pulled him to his feet. Agnes chuckled, seeing his cheeks glow red. "No, you don't need to apologise. I know exactly how you feel," her voice croaked. 

Nicholas bit the inside of his mouth, his stomach churning at the sight of tears in his Queen's eyes. True, he was no stranger to her tears, he had seen them far too often since Katelyn's departure, but this encounter felt different. Possibly because she wasn't trying to hide them. He'd noticed, when in the company of her council, she kept a stiff upper lip; an expression as hard and as cold as stone. Nothing seemed to move her.

That is, until she was alone. 

Agnes sniffled, clearing her throat and walking over to the open balcony. After a long moment, Nicholas followed after her. It wasn't right that she had to suffer alone. First her husband, and then her only child. Gone, and without any word of reassurance. It was safer, perhaps, but still devastating and painful.

Agnes wrapped her arms around herself, her gaze to the horizon as if hoping to find her lost family in the watercolour of green and blue. The cold air brushed against her skin, but did not chill her. She had become all but numb. She thought she knew ache and sorrow, she'd watched her beloved husband march off to battle with little certainty of his return. But now, having let her only child leave, her heart was shattered with loss, and worry, and blame.

What was she thinking? Letting Katelyn go by herself? She wasn't a girl, but not yet a woman. How could she even think her capable of travelling on her lonesome? Why did she refuse any contact? What she wouldn't give for a single word, just to say she was well. That she was alive. Not knowing was ripping her soul apart. 

She wiped a tear away. "Why did I let her go, Nicholas?" she asked, her voice breaking.

He swallowed hard, taking a cautious step forward. "May I be blunt, Your Majesty?"

"You may," replied Agnes, after a brief pause. 

"You wouldn't have let her go, if you didn't know she'd be alright," Nicholas said. "You know her as well as I do. She would have gone with or without your permission."

"I know," she said. "I just wish I knew where she was, how she was."

"Why didn't you insist she take someone with her?" he blurted out. Agnes turned sharply and watched him carefully, seeing an emotion she was unfamiliar with dawn on the man's face. The bond Katelyn had with Nicholas was apparent to everyone who met them, some even mistaken them for distant cousins or siblings. And while they jested and passed off the comments with a grin and a playful punch in the arm, Agnes had always wondered if Nicholas' feelings ran a little deeper than friendship. She was never one to embarrass the poor lad, so she remained silent but as ever observant. 

She smiled tenderly. "If you know her as well as I do, you know she wouldn't have allowed it. She's like her father, she wants to protect the world. She wants to keep those she loves out of harm's way. You know how she is, going down into town and feeding the people, providing them with the means to survive."

Nicholas gulped. "Yes, my Lady, I remember well. I just wish she'd confided in me."

"You've been a great comfort to Katelyn these many years, Nicholas. You're like her brother," said Agnes, at once noticing him stiffen at the sentiment. Her suspicions, it seemed, were correct. "I cannot speak for my daughter, but I know she didn't mean any offence. Katelyn never does-"

"Anything without good reason," Nicholas finished, with a grin.

"Indeed," Agnes said with a small smile. It vanished quickly, replaced a determined expression; one Nicholas came to recognise as her strong mask. "We must have faith, Nicholas. Faith is all we have in a world of chaos and uncertainty."

He nodded, his gaze to the ground. "Yes, my Lady." 

In the silence that passed between them, Agnes looked once more to the horizon; whispering a mother's prayer and hoping it'll be delivered. It wasn't enough, coming into Katelyn's chamber every morning and surrounding herself with her belongings. They held her touch, held her scent but nothing held her warmth and love. Nothing was the same. She missed her daughter, more than she could express. She longed to see her again, to see her smile and shining eyes. She wanted to hold her in her arms, to know she was safe and sound. But, good things come to those who wait and however painful and agonising, Agnes knew she had to wait. She just hoped Katelyn knew how much she was loved, and how much she was missed. She just hoped.

So, drying her eyes, Agnes retreated back into the chamber; shoulders back and chin up. Nicholas followed after her immediately, three steps back; mimicking her posture, mimicking her strength.

"Come," she said, her Queenly air returning swiftly. "I believe it is time for break fast."

"Yes, my Lady," replied Nicholas dutifully, as he held open the door for his Queen. 

A/N: For those who are unaware, I've entered the Dorston Fall into the Watty Awards 2014! The category: Best Story with A Strong Female Lead (a main character) Please show your support of both me and Katelyn and vote for us! I'll love you forever and ever :D

To vote, visit @TheWattyAwards2014 and leave a comment on "January Competition" on the appropriate page, Best Story with a Strong Female Lead! 

Thanks and BIG HUGS! :D xoxox