Instant | Harry Styles Fanfiction

Chapter 18

The food finally arrived. It looked delicious, I just wanted to shove it all into my mouth at once. I hadn't realised how hungry I was. Harry thanked the waiter for our food and then he began to eat. I found myself just watching him, as if we were the only people there, I had completely forgotten about my food, I was endorsed in, him. He looked so cute eating.

'Can I help you' he spoke, looking up at me.

I snapped out of my daze.

'No it's ok, carry on' I smirked.

He looked at me, he looked so beautiful, the light of the restaurant brought out his already stunning features, making me want to pounce onto him. I felt myself starting to flush pink at my thoughts. He was still looking at me, he smirked at me as if he could read my mind, and I admit it was extremely sexy. I decided to start on my food before it went cold. I took a big gulp of wine to cool me down from my rude thoughts. I took a bite of my salmon, it was amazing. I demolished it, to Harry's shock at how fast I could eat. I was starving and it hadn't dawned on me, that I was that hungry until I took a bite.

'Enjoy that' he winked.

'Very much thank you' I responded.

I was very much enjoying the cheeky back and forth talking. It amused me. The waiter arrived moments later and cleared our plates away.

'Thank you' I mumbled and he nodded.

'So' I spoke.

'So' he copied.

'Tell me Harry, how do you have all this time off' I asked.

'I don't' he responded.

'Eh, but-'

'I have the odd day or two off, as this tour is not as jam packed, the other day when you saw me at the club I had only just got back from Manchester, and I am off to Sunderland tomorrow, then Dublin' he spoke.

'Ahh, but I don't get how this is going to work then' I asked.

'What is going to work' he questioned.

'Us' I almost whispered.

'Us' he repeated.

'Yes, Us' I spoke, slightly louder.

'I didn't know there was an us' he spoke softly.

'Theres not but if this dating thing goes well, I would like there to be' I spoke quickly.

'I have never been very good at relationships' he spoke, looking at the table cloth.

'I know' I spoke softly as he looked up at me.

'What' he spoke sharply.

'Nothing it doesn't matter' I mumbled.

Suddenly I stood up from the table.

'I am sorry I can't do this' I spoke almost choking on my words, as I tired to keep the tears in.

'What, have I done something' he spoke confused.

'No Harry, I just can't do this' I cried.

I turned away from him and walked away. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I quickened my pace as I got closer to the door. It had all been too much too soon. I just couldn't do it. I finally made it outside and broke down for the second time that day. The events that had scarred me, looped over and over in my head. It made me feel sick and broken inside. Harry suddenly burst through the door. I thought he would have been angry but he threw his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

'Hey, hey what's the matter' he whispered softly into my ear.

As I registered his words I cried even harder. I could feels my tears staining his cloth covered chest, as they raced down my cheeks. The harder I cried the closer he held me.

'Have I upset you' he shakily spoke.

I finally calmed down and pulled myself from him. I was still softly crying.

'No' I sniffled.

'Then what I don't understand' he spoke softly.

'I am not ready, I just can't do it' I spoke beginning to cry slightly harder again.

'I don't understand' he spoke.

'What do you do Harry when your heart is in two places, you feel great but torn inside, when you found the right one at the wrong time, you could be my hero Harry, if only I could let go. I am sorry' I choked, as my brother pulled up.

'Goodbye Harry' I whispered as I got into the car.

'SAM' He shouted as we drove away.

'Are you ok Sam?' Luke asked.

'I don't know, I really don't know' I sobbed.

'What happened' he asked.

'I don't know, I really like him Luke, I thought I might be able to finally move on, I had an argument about it with mum before and I think it has been on my mind ever since and in there I think it hit me' I mumbled, between sobs.

'Oh Sam, I am sorry, moving on and letting go was always going to be hard'

'I know but I didn't think this hard, I don't think I can, I am not strong enough'

'Yes you are Sam'

'I am not, I had spent months building up my guard and making myself strong again and in seconds he has torn it down and made me feel weak'

'Is that not a good thing'

'Being weak? No it is not, I have fallen for him hard and I don't think I am ready for a relationship yet it feels wrong'

'You won't know it you don't try'

'I don't think I want to know'

'Sam you don't mean that'

'But I do, I was finally staring to be happy again on my own and now, and now'

'He makes you happy'

'No, yes but that is not my point, I can't get attached to someone like that again because I will always be scared something like that will happen again and I can feel myself getting attached to him like that and I can't bare it'

'But he makes you happy'

'I barley even know him'

'Well get to know him then'

'But if I do that I will fall for him more and I can't risk it'

'Yes you can risk it, you are scared of your feelings but what about his feelings'

'I know his feelings, and I am playing with them like it is a game and I can't do that, whoever I end up with it will always be in the back of my mind, haunting me'

'Well don't let it'

'Its not that easy, it didn't happen to you it happened to me, you are all the same telling me that I need to move on and let go but you don't know what it is like, you don't understand that I can't as much as I try I can't' I yelled as we pulled to a stop outside my house.

I stormed out of the car and down the street.

'WHERE ARE YOU GOING' Luke yelled.

'ANYWHERE BUT HERE' I screamed back and headed further down the street.

'SAM DONT BE SILLY AND COME BACK' he yelled.

I carried on walking.

'COME BACK' he yelled again and I began to run until I couldn't hear him anymore.

I had been walking for about 10 minutes. I pulled out my phone and checked the time it was 11.15. I then unlocked it and dialled a number.

'Hey Ari, I know it's late but can I come over' I pleaded'

'Of course' she spoke, without a hesitation in her voice.

I carried on walking, trying to think about what my brother and my mother had said but mind was all jumbled and had been for a while. I tried to look at my situation from their point of view but it made my mind worse. My heartache had started to fade as had my crying. The fresh air was starting to clear my head. I finally felt calm and relaxed, but my feet ached from walking for 45 minutes in my heels. I pulled them off my feet and plodded up Ari's street preparing myself for having to go through it all again.

I knocked on her door, and she opened it looking at me with her eyes full of sympathy as if she had read my mind.

'I need a hug'