Dalliance

Chapter Twenty One

"You cannot marry another woman!"

"I do not desire it...but if I object, he will dig to know why...If he discovers our...relationship...he would certainly kill us both..."

"So you will do it? You will marry her?"

"I see it-I have no choice."

"Let us run. I do not care how far we go...I beg...before we are torn apart forever..."

"We will never be torn apart."

"You say that now...but when you are married? She will not desire to stay here...she will crave a place of color...of life...and if she wants children...-"

"I will only be with you...I swear it..."

He slid his hand upon her cheek before her eyes closed.

"I cannot bear the thought of you with another..."

"Now you understand my heart."

"We were not in love when I married him...It is not the same...You HAVE a choice-"

"So did you. You could have acted on your heart before marrying him...told me the truth...but instead...you lied to yourself and everyone else about who you cared for."

She glared. "I could not risk a better life for a childhood feeling. I wanted best for Eleana-for everyone...for you..."

"And it tore my heart out to know you were marrying him."

"And you were just as much to blame for letting me. You could have stopped me and acted upon YOUR feelings. But you were timid, just as I was...so do not dare judge me for my actions when I was unaware of your feelings towards me."

"I am not judging...simply comparing."

"Then how dare you compare when in my circumstance, we were simply friends...and now, we are the closest two can be...and yet, you see no way out but to marry another."

"Holly-" He tried to summon her to stay, but she continued down the long corridor, back to her room. Lying in bed, she felt Nicholas's long arms wrap around her and felt no touch was colder. For a moment, she cursed him-wishing him dead for causing her so much pain. But then she understood why he had done it-he wanted Dawson and Kira to be together so he could allow those closest to him to be together. It broke her heart to think his decision was not based on a self-gain but instead a selfless action. Perhaps he truly was changing.

Midday passed as Dawson and Kira walked the gardens and he showed her the basics in defending herself with a sword. She then remembered when he had done the same for her and recalled it quite vividly before being shocked to see the image changed; Kira in her place. She was snapped back into reality before Dawson saw her pass through the courtyard and proceeded to chase after her.

"I can see you have not ceased being curious."

"I realized something...something heartbreaking..." He looked to her with confusion as she spoke but avoided eye contact. "We have only been lying to one another."

"What are you speaking of now?"

"Our feelings...We have ever only had one another...and now presented with other...options...we can live our lives on our own terms...without the disapproving of the other..."

"I am confused..."

"I believe everything we have felt has been a mirage of what is possible. It is why you refused to run and why I refuse to stay..." He glared.

"Do not do this again."

"It is the truth, Dawson. We are confused in our feelings...but not in love."

"How can you say such a thing?"

She froze, fighting everything in her body.

"Because what I feel for Nicholas is love...what I feel for you is how I felt as we grew up. I confused you protecting me as love."

"You cannot love him...you tell me each time I have you in my arms how you desire a life for us...do not say this..."

"It is the truth. He has earned his second chance...we all make mistakes..."

"And I suppose yours was loving me."

"I would not call it a mistake...I would call it confusion..."

"I cannot take this pain you cause me..." Tears filled his eyes as she fought everything in her to not copy his action. "Tell me directly that you do not love me and I will marry her and leave here...but I WILL go..."

She hesitated, imaging her life without him before realizing what would happen if he stayed.

"I do not love you." She said as her eyes locked to his.

As if being hit with a cannon to the gut, he fell back before glaring to her.

"I know you are lying and I will not pretend to know your reason...but the fact you could say that directly to me shows you believe it in someway...and for that...I will go. But I want you to understand that I do NOT believe you."

As he left, Holly ran to her room and shut her door before falling to the floor in tears-feeling as if she had broken her own heart.