Actual Love | a Lauren/You Fanfiction

12 • Meeting Her Was A Mistake

Learning to hate someone you love is possibly the hardest thing one can do. Every feeling you could ever feel for them is hard to change because something that you're so familiar with has to be forgotten. You literally have to tell yourself 'no' because if you don't, it's impossible to hate that person.

Knowing that every feeling you had for someone has been a lie makes that learning part especially hard. Every kiss, every hug, every 'I love you' – all of it, lies. Knowing that the person you seek trust and care in is a liar should have helped to hate that same person, but that was the terrible thing about love. Once it was there, it was so hard to get rid of.

By the time I had made it home, thanks to Alessia, so much was circulating on the internet about Fifth Harmony and I. I could only wish that that was my most important issue right now, but no. I had to deal with the fact that the girl I loved made me love her for a publicity stunt, not because she meant it.

Crying and crying only made things worse physically, but slightly better mentally. A headache, puffy, red eyes and a scratchy throat were practically my best friend now, but I had Alessia there to comfort me through it all. She didn't ask questions. She didn't pressure me into speaking. And she definitely didn't try and offer me her pity. She was holding me and allowing me to express myself in the only way I knew for now.

Eventually, my aunt came home and once Alessia explained everything to her, the latter left me alone to be with my family. Aunt Fiona did the same thing as Alessia, really, except she offered comforting words and tried her best to make me feel better. I couldn't stay like that forever, we both knew that, but after feeling like my heart had broken and shattered into a million pieces (despite the cliché-ness of that feeling), I deserved to cry and wallow in my own pity, so that is exactly what I did.

My aunt had no choice but to leave me alone to make dinner, but I didn't eat. I just stayed in my bed and cried to my heart's content.

I still couldn't quite grasp the fact that I was a publicity stunt. My first love was a lie. But the thing that hurt the most was that Lauren was my best friend before I fell for her (after Y/BF/N, of course), and I didn't think we ever lied to each other. Obviously I was wrong.

Falling asleep that night was actually a gift. I was finally in a dreamland that stole me away from reality momentarily. They weren't about the green-eyed girl, or her bandmates. I don't even remember what it was about. I just knew that i slept better than I thought I would after crying my eyes out.

However, I woke up the following morning feeling like absolute shit. Puffy eyes. Aching head. Sickly feeling. And that was only my physical aches and pains. Emotionally? I was distraught. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Whether I wanted to go to college today.

"You can stay here today," my aunt suddenly said, and I saw her at my bedroom door, ready to leave. I must've dozed into dreamland again. "I asked Alessia, Ariana and Tori to stay here with you. I think it'll help."

I tried to show her my gratitude somehow, crack a smile maybe, but nothing came out. She must've seen me attempt to make a move, because she walked in fully and sat at the edge of my bed. Pulling me into a hug, I allowed myself  to relax for a few seconds. I felt her press a gentle kiss on the top of my head, and I realised just how lucky I was to have a supportive aunt. She pulled away and stroked my hand.

"Give me a call if you need anything, love," she said with a small smile. "I'm here for you."

Not knowing how to respond, I just pulled her into another hug. She returned the gesture and I sighed into the hug. 

What the heck was I supposed to do?

***

Two weeks had passed since everything had happened. It was two weeks full of keeping to myself, stealthily avoiding the paparazzi, and ignoring the girl band that used me for publicity.