There is space between my legs. You can see my hip bones, wrist, collar, shoulder, ankle, spine, rib cage, and cheek bones. But you can't see them enough. I must make them more visible. Make them stand out, draw attention to them selves. Take the attention away from my hideous face. You tell me I'm pretty, you say I'm not fat, you scream that I'm perfect. But no matter what you say I'll never believe it. It's nice of you to say that, I reply with a simple "thank you" but I'll never truly accept it. I wonder how I look in other peoples eyes. Maybe, just maybe if I knew I how I looked in someone else's perspective I wouldn't have this problem. But that will never happen. So I continue my journey of never being good enough. My mom yells at me to eat, practically forcing food down my throat. Ana helps block out the sound. And don't worry the food won't stay in my stomach for long... It's hard staying away from food. It's not easy rebelling against something you need. I try to keep my self occupied with other things so I won't give in. I once plucked every single hair off my leg to keep my self from eating. But sometimes I eat, nothing big. I feel so guilty when I eat. Sometimes I like to look back at my life to see where I went wrong. But I stop because I end up crying... "5 more pounds..."
