My shirts don't fit. My pants don't hug my waist. I have to make extra holes on my belts. My once tight fitted shirt now is baggy on me. I went from a size medium to extra small, size 2 pants to size 0. My entire closet is filled with clothes that don't fit me. But how do I explain to my mom that nothing fits. She will start asking questions, she will start to worry... My dad tells me that I'm going to die. Well duh everyone does. But I don't know how to explain my eating disorder to them. I'm afraid of how they will react. The first the they will say is "you're beautiful and really skinny" But it doesn't work that way. I'm not going to be cured by someone saying I'm pretty, it's how I look at myself. The first question they will ask is if I think I'm fat. No I don't think that I'm fat, I simply do this because it feels good to me, makes me feel... pretty... I don't have many friends that I can trust, only a few. All I want is for someone to cradle me while I cry on their shoulder, for them to actually care about me. Because sure as hell no one cares. I enjoy cosplaying because I can be someone who I'm not. But I feel absolutely confident about myself. But my mother doesn't agree, she tells me I look terrible and that I'm a weirdo and that she blames my "weirdo friends" for this. You don't know me, no one knows me. You may think so but you're wrong. You want me to be this perfect daughter with the perfect boyfriend and perfect grades and perfect everything. But I don't want to be like that. I want to be the way I want to be. I like being a mess. I want to live my life the way I want to. The only thing I control is how I eat... The only thing that I feel confident about without you going and ruining my self-esteem. One day you will realize that when I'm no longer here
