I'm a lazy person, I'm not going to deny it. I've always been lazy and I probably will always be lazy. That means I have to force myself to exercise. I love the feeling afterwards. You feel your blood pumping, your heart pounding, the adrenaline rushing. It's an amazing feeling. 2 weeks ago I measured and weighed myself. Weight: 105.8 lbs, waist:24 inches Wrist: 6 inches. I decided to measure and weigh myself after having this workout, to see if I made any progress. Weight: 102.8 Waist: 22 inches Wrist: 5 inches. This is really good progress. I am happy with what I see. Ana is very proud. I don't care what people think of me, but yet I do... No one notices how worse I'm getting. I'm getting paler and paler. But this isn't a good thing, and it's nothing to joke about. How do you not notice my bones standing out, or how my skin tone has gone from alive to dead. This disorder does have a bad side. Well all disorders do. I don't mean to, but I hurt the ones that care about me, I'm always tired, I'm isolated from society, I'm depressed, and suicidal. But Su (suicidal) hasn't been talking to me recently, she must be mad that I stopped cutting... The only people that truly understand me is Ana and Su. Other people may go through what I go through, but everyone's story is different in a unique way. Some people grew up with anorexic parents/siblings. Others are bullied into it. Some do it because they were advised by a doctor to loose weight but became an obsession. Me? I was bullied into it. I was called a fat cow, at that time I was 5'2 feet tall and weighed 89 lbs. A normal 5'2 feet tall 5th grade girl should weigh about 99-121. Right now I am 5'6 feet tall weighing 10. that should weigh about 117-143. I like feeling light as a feather. Makes me think that when days are bad I go just let the wind sweep me away into the darkness of the sky. I grew up as a very skinny child, anorexia became an obsession when I was bullied into it. I wonder if she still thinks I'm a fat cow...
