The absolute worst thing to go through in my opinion. Recovery isn't easy, it's painful. I was so used to not eating for 3-4 years, so when I suddenly starting eating a little bit more the pain is unimaginable. My stomach wasn't used to absorbing this much nutrients, so when it does it starts cramping and feeling like someone took a knife and repeatedly stabbed me in the stomach. And here's the thing, the pain never goes away, it's always there. When I sleep, at school, after school, all day everyday. People say this is the worst stage of recovery. For the past three weeks I've had this problem. And no I haven't gained weight, maybe a pound or two but that's it. I honestly don't think I want to recover. It was the only thing I can control in my life, I'm not going to give that up to my mom too. Shes too protective and keeps me locked up too much. And she has the guts to wonder why I'm like this. I honestly believe she's part of the reason why I'm so fucked up. The other part was being bullied and neglected. Starting today I'm going to be strong and not eat this weekend. I'll have a friend over to keep me distracted. I will do anything to keep myself from eating. It's a bad habit that I've had since day one. The thing about anorexia nervosa is that once you start you just can't stop. It's literally an obsession. I know I have a problem, but this problem I don't think I want to fix.
