sail away

xvii

my sister asked about you.

she asked if you wrote,

when you were coming back.

i didn't reply

and she didn't need me to,

because the sorrow in my eyes

was enough of an answer.

she patted my hand

and told me she was sorry.

she said she was sorry for me,

while she lied on her death bed.

and in that moment i became so angry

at you

and at myself

and i wanted nothing more

than to banish the longing

that made me so pitiful.

i wanted to laugh-

truly laugh again.

i wanted my sister to go

knowing that i was happy.

but because of you,

i knew that wouldn't happen.