Confessions of Jane

Confession #14 I hate my life

What is the point of life really? To get good grades, go to college and get a good paying job? And maybe throw in marrying some lame ass guy who you will be stuck with for ever and have some annoying kids who take all your money.

Yeah no that does not sound fun to me. I'll probably never have kids or never get married because it would be a waste of time anyways.

You wana know why I'm having these thoughts?

Me and Tyler had a little teeny tiny bit of an argument.

So we've been living together for about a month and we've just been noticing little things that annoy that we both annoy each other.

For example, this morning I woke up in the mood for a nice bowl of my favorite cereal that I bought with MY money but came down stairs to see Tyler scarfing down the hugest bowl of my cereal and he emptied the WHOLE box that was MINE.

I mean I know I'm picky but you don't mess with my stuff. So I got fed up and started yelling at him and then he started yelling at me pointing out how I'm a shitty person and that I'm going to end up a sad alone cat lady, and it ended in me packing my things and leaving the house.

I obviously overstayed my limit. So I went home realizing I had nowhere else to go.

I haven't been to school in a week and a half and realized I'm probably failing. 

My mom was away on a 2 month long work trip but she doesn't care about me anyway.

I'm just honestly failing at life and to top it off it's my birthday today. Yup the big 18. Where I can run off and live my own life but the sad part is I have nowhere to run too.

Nobody knows my birthday because I'm pretty closed off about it since I hate attention but at least my mom could I don't know give me a call or even a simple text saying happy birthday, but no she's not here and my phone hasn't gone off once today and it's already nearing midnight.

I'm so pathetic. Realizing I can't take the quiet anymore I decide to play some of the loud screamo music that Tyler likes to play. But it wasn't loud enough.

I felt so alone and stupid I failed at the one thing I wanted most to be on my own at age 18 I mean I guess I could find a cheap apartment and become a stripper but that just seems lame to me.

I decided to take some pills to relieve my stress. I think I took 2 or maybe 3 but it wasn't enough.

I tripped down my stairs in search of some of my moms old cheap tequila. It tasted awful but I gulped it down anyways and stumbled back up to my room only to end up in my bathroom with the one object I've been trying to stay away from.

I stared at the shiny rusted tiny blade for what seemed like an eternity before I started gliding it along my wrist slowly feeling numb to the pain until my eyes started blacking out and I heard banging on the door.

**JOELS POV****

I woke up with a big hangover from the events of last night. Not wanting to think about it I grabbed my phone and scrolled through Facebook to distract myself.

Somehow I ended up on a certain someone's page. I didn't know Janey doll had a Facebook. She doesn't have many friends and she's just following some random bands.

I scrolled through her pictures and saw one of me and her of the day she left sunshine institute. She wanted a picture so she wouldn't forget our shitty time at sunshine institute. I checked her bio and randomly saw that today was her birthday. Weird that she never told me. God I miss that crazy girl. But she probably doesn't miss me.

Deciding to try and forget about her I went out and started drinking. I got so drunk that I ended up back on janes Facebook and decided that I needed to see her.

I ended up going to some ghetto dollar store buying tons of candy and cheesy birthday card to give her. My Janey doll is finally 18. That's all she ever wanted, to be 18. I somehow found my way to her house.

Once I walked in to her unlocked door I started to become slightly worried. I heard loud screaming music and saw an empty bottle of tequila on the stairs.

I immediately rushed up stairs and searched janes room but did not see her so I went to check the bathroom but the door was locked.

"Jane!" I shouted but got no answer.

"Got damn it Jane fucking open the door!" I started pounding on the door but it would budge until I finally punch a whole right through it and unlocked it swinging it wide open.

The first thing I noticed was the smell of dried blood, the second was an almost empty bottle of sleeping pills and lastly was a passed out Jane laying on the floor with a blade to her wrist and a pool of blood.

Freaking out I quickly yanked Jane off the floor and splashed a cup of cold water on her face causing her to stir and then shoving two fingers down her throat causing her to vomit in the toilet. She looked so pale and was shaking so much once she finished emptying everything inside her.

I said nothing and stripped her of her cloths and helped her to the shower. Once she was clean a wrapped her in one of her fluffy blue bathrobes and carried her to her room on her bed.

She was still pale and shaky and her hair was a tangled mess so I just threw it up in a bun for her.

"God damn it why Jane?" I finally said with an actual tear rolling down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away not wanting her to see and placed a kiss on her forehead.