Something Broken

You're Happy

You took a few days to think
Though I waited anxiously
I already knew your answer
You deserve better than me anyway

Like one of the billions of stars in the sky, pretty to see but too far to have, I am snuffed out by the much closer, brighter, and more beautiful moon

But you need what is best for you
And that is not I.
Jealousy and regret fall on my chest like the weight of every mistake I've ever made

But you're happy
So I'm happy
Or
At least I'll smile like I am
But inside I have swollen
My heart pressed against my ribs so closely I can feel it's slow beat
The pulse feels tired
Like a butterfly flapping it's wings
Fighting to survive in the cold of winter
But instead, dying

It beats like it wants to give up
Like it's on the brink of saying
Fuck it. We can't do this anymore.
But still it beats on
For you

I cannot look at you
Or your picture
Or your body
Or hear your voice

I can only remember
Not by choice,
But as though the memories are pushing their way into every thought.

My heart has been torn
And bruised
And smashed

But you're happy
So I'm happy