Daughter ✯ Kellic

Chapter Five

☢ tw // abuse ☢

"Why are you such a dumbass? Can't you do anything right?!" Then there would be a pain inflicted on my cheek. Or, it was usually my cheek; it was starting to get kind of randomized. Sometimes he wouldn't even use his hands, he would kick me. Other times he would use more than just skin to hurt me. "Aren't you going to answer me?!"

No matter how used to the pain I was, it still hurt, and I couldn't bring myself to answer. What do I know about my flaws and imperfections? How am I supposed to know why I fail him every day? "You're just going to ignore me, then? Fine, Vic, if that's how you want to be."

He had a lighter. It was one of those "hipster" lighters, as Mike would call them; those ones that you flip open and the chemicals initiate the flame by themselves. He showed it to me and I nervously swallowed down a lump in my throat. Relationships weren't supposed to work like this, were they? "You won't learn if you never have any motivation," he said, opening it close to my eye.

Yet, I stayed silent, because I knew that if I spoke, I would only make matters worse for myself. He sighed then clicked the lighter off again by blocking the flame with the top half. "I'll give you one last opportunity to explain why, out of all the possible reasons you can think up, you make so many stupid decisions and go against my direct orders," he said quietly. Silence from my end.

"At least I don't have to suffer through a stupid excuse," he mumbled. He backed up slightly and relit the lighter, then roughly grabbed my arm and held it out before him. I stopped looking, squeezing my eyes shut to avoid watching my own flesh burn at the expense of breaking pieces of my boyfriend's expensive dinnerware.

The pain came quickly just below my wrist, and I jerked my head, however my arm remained where he held it. It would only make my situation worse if I tried to move my arm out of his grasp. I didn't make a noise, I held it in the back of my throat. I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of plainly knowing I was hurt. He finally ceased the burning on my arm and let out a small sigh.

I'm not sure how long he had held the lighter there, but I had a feeling it would scar up. I lowered my arm when he let go of it, careful not to touch the bubbling skin against anything. "Now, next time I tell you to stay in our room and to not fuck around in the house, are you going to listen?" he questioned, gently taking hold of my hand. He was suddenly being compassionate, as he always switched body language like that.

"Y-yes," I stuttered out in a small voice. A tear slipped down my cheek as he tilted my head for us to be eye to eye. He frowned and wiped my tear away with his thumb. My heart beat was crazily abnormal, but I ignored it. I knew exactly what was going to happen next, and I wasn't particularly looking forward to that, either.

"I'm so sorry." That was the first part; Jaime finally feeling bad for his actions. "I just get so angry sometimes, and I don't know what happens." The second part; making excuses to cover up those actions. "I can make it up to you, I promise..." The third part; warming back up to me.

His hands found their way to my hips and he pulled us closer together, pressing his lips to mine, forming the final part; using his own lust to attempt and fix things. I squirmed at his touch, but that didn't phase him. So I just gave up. Then we would mindlessly fuck, and pretend everything was okay.

But it wasn't okay, it had never been okay with me. I had hated every moment of it all. The next morning would be better, though; he would show that he actually cared about and loved me. Until I managed to get on his bad side again, then it would simply loop, and I had no escape.

• • •

I rub the small scar on my inner arm from that particular incident. This old, healed wound was inflicted by the man I'm going to have a friendly dinner with tomorrow night: Jaime. I rub my eyes in order to make the welled up tears go away, sniffling slightly in the process. I can't help but feel like I'm making a poor decision by agreeing to have dinner with Jaime after all he's done to me.

Except, there is always the possibility that Jaime has changed from his old, anger-filled ways. He could have been telling the truth when he said that he changed, no matter how difficult it is to fathom. I loved him once, while we were together; but while we were together I also stopped loving him. I don't know if it's possible for me to even relatively like him in a friendly sense anymore, though.

I let out a tiny sigh and get off the bench I had been seated on for the past twenty minutes. Something about this small nature reserve always calms my anxieties, so I consider it a safe haven. I like to pretend that here, in this place, on this specific bench, I am protected from any and every threat. Sure, it's a little odd, but it gives me comfort during the worst times.

I remembered the place while my mind was on Jaime before it was again just now, right after Kellin and I had gotten into a heated discussion of sorts. Almost every time Jaime would do something destructive to me, I would cover my body with long sleeves, come here, and just sit on my bench, leaving myself time to think and enjoy being alone. I never told him about this place, either, so I felt especially safe from his harm. It's almost humorous looking back on what we had (which could hardly be named a "relationship"), mostly because of how stupid and naive I was. I wouldn't know an abusive relationship if it asked me out on a date before kicking my ass.

I walk back to my car and get in without turning on the engine or buckling up; just plain sitting in my vehicle. I can't find much motivation to do otherwise, only because my mind is so occupied with other things. Driving in this state is a horrendous idea, honestly. I check my phone purely out of undivided boredom and read a text from Mike,

"Kellin told me what happened, said he's going to Oli's tonight. Come home safe."

I smile at the apparent care Mike has for me at the moment. Not that he hasn't always looked out for me while I do the same for him, but it always shows how compassionate he is to others, which is pretty relieving. He also doesn't seem mad about how I confronted Kellin, considering he didn't mention any blame on me for Kellin going to a friend's house. Not like what either of them did was really my fault or any of my business, but I'm not the only adult in the household.

I decide to finally start the car and begin the drive back to the house, humming quietly along to whatever vibrated through the speakers. I arrived to the house safely, in a better state of mind than when I left due to the music. It's crazy how music can completely alter your mood like that; not bad, just a little crazy.

"Oh, you're back," Mike states stupidly as I toss my keys onto the counter. I smile and nod as he pulls a gray sweatshirt on over his head then switches the TV from some nature documentary to Impractical Jokers. "Copeland is upstairs, hopefully still sleeping. I checked on her like five minutes ago, but she's your problem now." He says the last part with a humorous tone, ending with a grin plastered on his lips.

I make the short journey upstairs and check on Kellin's daughter, smiling at her sleeping face. I've gotten fairly used to taking care of her on my own, so I don't mind Kellin leaving her here for me to care for. I mean, she is the reason we even met in the first place.

I can't help but imagine what would have happened to the both of them if I never offered to babysit Copeland without payment. Would she be in some orphanage while Kellin, most assuredly depressed, attempted to finish high school? It also makes me think about what might have happened if Kellin wasn't so desperate for help and trusted his better judgement, not allowing me to watch his daughter. It's insane thinking about the decisions we make and their significance in our small worlds.

The baby opens her glossy brown eyes and looks at me silently. I smile and walk closer to her, bending over slightly so that I can see her better. "Hi, Copeland," I whisper. She reaches out and I allow her to wrap her tiny fingers around my own index finger, quietly laughing to myself. "Everything is gonna be fine," I say, more to myself than the child before me.

She makes a noise similar to some kind of giggle and smiles, releasing my finger. I kiss her forehead before backing up and staring at her beautiful eyes again. "Your daddy will be home tomorrow, probably. Just stick it out until then, kid," I practically whisper. She laughs again and I smile to myself.

I was right, everything is going to be fine. Our situation, which isn't even that bad, isn't going to turn sour anytime soon; we'll all get along fine for a long while. Especially with this little angel brightening everybody's lives.