Daughter ✯ Kellic

Chapter Twelve

Guilt isn't something I'm good at dealing with. I have a rather guilty conscious even when I'm not doing anything that would usually cause someone to feel such a thing as guilt. This caused me to wonder if my recent actions were worth how I was feeling or if I was being dramatic as usual. As it went, Jaime picked me up and we went to his place where I could be away from everything that had been occurring in my own household. That was when it happened, not the worst thing, but something that surely wasn't any good. Jaime kissed me, and, damn, it wasn't right how I felt safe with him after everything.

Of course, I just let it happen. I let him take hold of my face and pull me close, let him feel around my waist under my shirt, let him do whatever he felt was right because I was clearly delusional. I let it happen because, for the time being, it didn't feel bad. Kellin and I were no longer together, so what did it matter what I did with myself at this point? Sure, he and Mike would both be opposed to this intentional crossing of paths, but I can make my own decisions. I can, but maybe that doesn't mean I should.

My common sense kicked in after a moment of that and I questioned him. "What are you doing?" I asked quietly, my hand being the only thing holding our bodies apart.

"Trying to make you feel better," he replied with a blank expression. "I thought--"

"Jaime, I'm in a rough spot right now," I cut in; "this isn't the time." I saw the way his expression fell in defeat, that was when the first bit of guilt kicked in. "I said I would take you back, didn't I?" I questioned after a minute. Jaime gave a small nod. "And I'm not with Kellin anymore."

I gave him the most inconspicuous smile I could muster. He gave me a questioning look and I laughed quietly. "I guess you timed it right, then. My mistake, Hime."

That was a few days ago, and I haven't seen Jaime since. Without offending him, I found a way to relay the information that this court deal with Katelynne is very serious, and thus he finally stepped back. Today is currently one day before the first meeting for the case, which resulted in Kellin finally collecting all his legal things and preparing his defense. I hired a lawyer for him, of course, but there was still information only he had that he himself must speak of. He's actually reading over it at the moment, which is why I'm alone in Copeland's room, sitting on her floor and organizing her toys.

God, I hope we don't lose her.

My phone vibrating gives me a good startle before I pick it up, surprised to hear Jaime on the other end. "I wanted to wish you good luck. Ya know, for tomorrow and everything." It brought a smile to face knowing that Jaime was thinking about me and my wellbeing.

"Thank you."

"But I also have a favor to ask of you." I hummed in question, placing the phone between my ear and shoulder so I could use both hands for collecting the toddler's toys. "Could you possibly come over? It won't be for long, I just need help assembling this dumb table I bought. You've always been crafty so I figured I'd ask you."

I piled up the toys and placed them in the bin they were originally in before Copeland dragged them all out, biting my lip in contemplation. "I don't know, Jaime. I have to get to bed early to make the case tomorrow. It's important that I'm there," I reasoned with a sigh. "Could you wait for another time?"

"I've been putting it off for a while now. I need to get it done before I just never bother to." I placed the last of the toys in their respectful place and wiped my hair behind my ear to keep it from falling in my face.

"Then I guess I will. Just make sure you read the damn instructions correctly," I joke with a chuckle. "I'll be over in a few."

• • •

And then it happened. I don't know how it came about, but it did and now I can't turn back time and stop myself from ever being such an idiot. I already know Kellin is going to murder me, I hate myself enough knowing what I've done and how I won't be able to face a jury and court tomorrow. I can't just turn around and pretend I didn't just make a horrible mistake, yet I'm also so afraid to admit anything to anyone.

As Jaime's hand rubs the back of my arm and he whispers a quiet "Good morning" to my back, I shiver and realize that this is real and I really cannot turn back. I take a deep breath and roll over to face Jaime.

"I'm so sorry."

Then I rush out of the room as fast as I possibly can, Jaime questioning me from his room. I find my clothes scattered in the living room and slip everything on quickly, making sure I have my keys before abandoning the house entirely. I hop in my car and burst down the street until the entire neighborhood is entirely out of my rear view mirror. Tearfully I take another deep breath and attempt to keep back a panic attack from taking over. What the hell have I done?

Kellin needs me in court right now at this very minute, and I abandon him to sleep with someone I'm supposed to hate but for some reason have forgiven me after all the torture he put me through? I've ruined everything. I've lost Copeland. It has nothing to do with Kellin -- he did nothing wrong. But I failed him entirely, and I didn't even deserve him in the first place. It isn't like I can drive my way on down to the courtroom and burst open the doors to object someone like they do in movies.

I've fucked everything up without there being any chance of fixing it. I've made everything worse. This feels like the end, only ten times worse...I'm completely screwed. I don't know who's going to murder me first, Mike or Kellin, and at this point I just want to do it myself.
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short chapter but aye I finally fucking updated. this story is going to be ending soon so I can write some other stuff if I can keep myself motivated. okay bye.