Haze | Demi Lovato

6

Demi

I'm getting released today. Three months in rehab was more than I could handle. As I packed up my stuff, the giddiness forced it's way through the depressive barrier that blocked me from feeling any of the pain. I couldn't wait to see him again. I knew he would be as cold as ever, but I was still in love with him, I still missed him. Even if it were a painful drive to the airport, and an even more painful plane ride, it would be worth it just to see him again. I picked up my bag from the bed and looked around at my room, sighing heavily. I would never be coming back here again.

"Demi? Your ride is here."

A smile formed on my face as I followed the nurse out of the door. My heart beat wildly in my chest as we walked down the hallway, and I held my breath as we turned the corner. My heart leapt when I saw a man standing there, but it dropped into my stomach when I realized it was just Max.

"Hey boss. How you feelin'?"

I swallowed hard, putting on the mask of a smile I'd perfected for so long. "Better. Definitely better."

"Great." He smiled. "You all signed out?" The receptionist nodded at me and Max took my bag. "Let's go."

I sat on the plane, curled up under a blanket, staring out the window with tears rolling down my cheeks. My brain made up excuse after excuse for Wilmer's absence. I convinced myself he'd be waiting for me in the car at the airport. But, once we touched down, and I got into the awaiting escalade, it was empty. My hands were shaking, and Max seemed to take the hint that I didn't want to talk as he got in the front seat while I huddled in the back. Wilmer and I only lived a few miles from the airport, so I didn't have much time to get my shit together before we pulled up in front of the house Wilmer and I had bought together.

"Good luck." Max said, with sympathy. "He'll come around Dems."

I swallowed hard and forced another smile as I got out, and slowly walked up to the house, punching in the security code before opening the door. I inhaled the familiar scent of home as I walked in the front door, dropping my bag on the floor and kicking off my shoes, I padded across the hardwood floors in bare feet, looking for Wilmer.

"Hello? Wilmer?"

I walked upstairs and to the left wing of the house. I peeked in his office door and felt the constrictive bands around my lungs release once my eyes found him. He hadn't shaved in a while, so the stubble I liked so much covered his chin. I leaned against the doorframe for a moment, just watching him. His face was tense, but free from the cold anger I knew would erupt when he saw my presence. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face, leaning forward to read something on the computer. My hands were shaking as I lifted my fist to the door and knocked quietly on the door frame. His head lifted, and my lower lip trembled when he didn't so much as smile when he saw me.

"You weren't supposed to be back for another hour." His voice was flat, void of any emotion.

"No traffic." I whispered, my hopes of a reunion rapidly deflating. I began to walk further inside but his voice stopped me.

"I have a lot of work to do. I moved my stuff into the spare bedroom so you can have the master. Dinner will be ready at six."

Shattered again. The wind was knocked out of me and it felt like ice had been injected into my veins. "You moved your stuff out?"

He barely glanced up at me before looking back at his computer. "Yes."

I had never felt so small. All I wanted to do was collapse on the floor in front of him. I wanted to show him what he had done to me. "Why?"

Wilmer sighed and went back to writing something down. "Because I don't want to sleep in the same bed as you. It's simple. Shut the door behind you."

I swallowed hard, rubbing my palm with the thumb of my opposite hand, trying to distract myself from the fact that they were trembling. "Okay." My voice was submissive, and quiet. "I'm sorry for bothering you."

He didn't look up. Shocked, and numb, I slowly turned around and walked out, gently shutting the door behind me. I glanced into the spare bedroom and felt more tears dripping down my cheeks as I saw all of his clothes in the closet and his stuff in the corner. I walked over to his clothes and inhaled his familiar scent, wishing desperately for the real thing. I picked up one of his sweatshirts and pressed the soft material to my face. I leaned against the wall and slid down it, letting the thick cloth muffle my sobs. After a few minutes I stood and pulled it over my head, pushing my hands through the too-big sleeves. I walked out of the room and went to our master suite, a beautiful room; my favorite in the house. It had dark wood floors, and vaulted ceilings, with huge windows that showed the expanse of the lawn and the trees. It was beautiful. We had so many memories here. So many laughs. It would've been the perfect place to try and reconcile, had he not been too disgusted with me to sleep in the same bed. I slowly sat on the mattress and got under the covers, taking out my recently re-acquired phone. I went through the hundreds of pictures and videos of Wilmer and I from when before all of this had gone down. With every picture, my crying got harder and harder. Soon my vision was too blurry and I dropped the phone, curling into a ball as my body shook with sobs.

My breathing quickened as I thought of the possibility that Wilmer wouldn't ever forgive me for this, and we'd be stuck in this stage of a cold, distant marriage, forever. Panic set in and I couldn't breath. I ripped off the sweatshirt as I hyperventilated, pulling off my shirt I had on underneath it as well before I fell back into the cool, white sheets. I squeezed my eyes shut as the panic swept through me like a wave, taking away any sense of reality I had.

"WILMER!" I screamed out. It was habit now. In treatment, I would scream out for him in times like this, but he never came. "WILMER HELP ME." No sound of footsteps reached my desperate ears. "PLEASE." This scream ripped through my vocal chords an octave higher than the other ones.

There was no answer.

He didn't come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comment and Vote!

Don't hate me :)

-Rachel