Haze | Demi Lovato

17

Demi

I stood in my closet, dressed only in my bra and underwear, surrounded by a ring of discarded dresses. All the ones I had were skin tight, and showed the slight curve that now accented my stomach.

"Dems, it's six fifteen. We gotta leave soon."

I groaned and closed my eyes, tilting my head back to the ceiling. "Nothing fucking fits me. Everything is too small." I tried not to let myself get emotional but my mind was so stressed out I fell apart at the drop of a hat. "I'm going to be the size of a house." Wilmer opened the door and I yelped, crossing my arms over my chest. "Wilmer!"

He jerked back and stepped out of view. "Right. Sorry, habit."

"I have nothing to wear."

He sighed, and the door opened a bit. "Can I please come in?"

I grabbed a shirt and threw it on, then crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine."

Wilmer walked in and raised his eyebrows at the carnage of rejection around me. "Nothing to wear, in this giant closet?"

"People will know I'm pregnant." I murmured, looking down. "They notice everything. I haven't even told my mom. I don't know what to tell her."

He kept walking forward, until he stood right in front of me. "If you don't want to go tonight I understand."

"It's not that." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I just... I don't want to face the world yet. I know that the moment I step out of that door every single person in the world is going to have something to say about me. They're going to say I look fat, or that my dress is ugly or my hair or makeup is wrong. I don't feel like dealing with it." I sighed and blinked back tears. "And it's our fucking anniversary and I'm letting people get to me like this and it's not fair to you. I just... I don't know what to do, about anything."

"Listen." Wilmer took one of my hands in his while the other came up to touch my cheek. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We don't have to go to some fancy restaurant tonight, we don't have to dress up or see anyone. We can get some takeout and just stay here."

"But you made reservations and-"

"Demi." His thumb pressed against my lips, stopping my speech. "I don't give a damn about the reservations. I care about you, and making sure you are happy and comfortable."

My head was spinning; he had done a complete 180 flip from just days ago.

"I don't know what I want to do." I wasn't just talking about dinner. I still wasn't sure about my feelings for Wilmer because they changed every day. Today, I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself up in his arms and never let go. But just yesterday I had so many valid doubts about our relationship I couldn't picture a future with him.

"I'll tell you what... We'll order food, and just sit and talk, watch a movie... Just a normal lowkey date night. No pressure, no paparazzi... just you and me. Forget overpriced seafood, we can still have just as good of a night with tacos from the place down the street. Deal?"

I sighed, and nodded, a weight lifting off of my chest. "Deal."

The corner of Wilmer's mouth turned up and he opened his arms. "Come here."

I leaned forward, but the moment our bodies touched my gut twisted and I pushed away, running for the bathroom before crouching over the toilet and emptying the contents of my stomach into the bowl.

I didn't notice Wilmer at first, but once I was done throwing up, I realized he was holding my hair back in one hand, and rubbing my back with the other.

"Are you okay?"

I sighed and sat back, rubbing my face. "It's not even morning sickness. It's every moment of the fucking day sickness."

He chuckled and pressed his lips to my forehead. I let go of my guard for a moment and leaned against him, letting my head tuck into the crook of his neck. For just a second I allowed myself to let go of everything he'd done and said to me. A crack through the darkness shone through with light and I could suddenly see our future; a small dark haired baby growing inside me and bringing us together, moving out of this house full of memories to a clean slate.

"Can we go lay down?" I murmured, keeping my eyes closed.

"Sure."

Wilmer helped me up, waited while I brushed my teeth, then slipped his hand in mine, walking to the bedroom and climbing up next to me. I could tell he was nervous, and unsure of what to do, so once he laid on his back I curled up against his side, making small patterns on his chest with my fingertips.

"I love you." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"I love you too, Dems."

We laid there for a long time, not a word passing between us. He simply just held me, and I bathed in the feeling of being so close to him. There was a long time where I thought I would never experience this again.

I snuggled closer to him, pushing my face into his neck. I pressed my lips to the skin there, and felt him squeeze me a little tighter.

"I missed you so much." I breathed. "I missed this." I raised my head and smiled softly at him before it faltered. "I was so scared."

His eyes were tortured. "I know, I'm sorry."

I shook my head and sighed before closing my eyes. "I never thought I would be here again. I thought you wouldn't ever love me again."

"I didn't stop loving you." Wilmer murmured. "I know it's hard to believe... But it was easier to act like I hated you than to deal with the fact that a part of me caused it. A part of me caused your relapse, no matter how big or small."

I bit my lip and looked down, we hadn't talked about why I relapsed or anything surrounded my recovery yet. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share with him yet.

"I know you're not ready to talk." His fingertip under my chin lifted my head. "But when you are, I'm here to listen."

I smiled softly and nodded, then laid my head back on his chest, intertwining our fingers. I was hyper aware of Wilmer's presence next to me. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed and his hand that rested on my side occasionally squeezing me a bit; as if to make sure I wasn't going anywhere. I could hear his heartbeat; steady and even. He had always been my rock, always steady and ready to hold onto me when the storm got tough. Now that we had let go of each other, I had to brave the storm alone to find him again.

"Wilmer?"

"Hmm?"

I bit my lip, hesitating with the question that was right on the tip of my tongue. "Do you think... Do you think we would've stopped fighting even if I wasn't pregnant."

He sighed heavily, and my question caused the air to grow thick with tension and my anticipation of his answer. "I think... eventually, yes. It would've taken longer, but at some point I would've come to my senses."

I looked down at our hands. "So you're not just doing this because I'm pregnant? You're not just forgiving me because of that?"

"Is that what's been bothering you?"

I shrugged, not meeting his eyes. All of a sudden I was crushed against his chest, his arms holding me tightly against him. "Of course this is not just because you're pregnant. Yes that put a rush order on me coming to my senses, but I love you, Demi. Not because you're pregnant, because you're the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with."

I smiled softly, and hugged him back with just as much force. "I love you too."

He kissed my forehead, keeping his lips against my skin for a few moments. "Happy anniversary, Demi."

"Happy anniversary Wilmer."

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-Rachel