Haze | Demi Lovato

18

Demi

Waking up alone gave me space to think. At first, it was habit to roll over and try to snuggle up to Wilmer, but when I was greeted by empty sheets a sadness spread through my gut. I didn't want to do this for the rest of my life. I knew I wanted Wilmer; I just had to figure out how to trust him.

I laid there for a long time, staring up at the ceiling as if somehow the answer to my problems would be written there. I felt so torn. A part of me yearned for my relationship with Wilmer to be back to normal. I wanted to kiss him, and love him, with no sense of hesitation or doubt. But another part of me whispered in my ear all of the things he had said and done to me over the past ten months. Could I put our past behind us? Could he?

As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself the issues within our relationship were my fault as much as his. I began the process by not coming to him with my grief over my great-grandmother dying, and instead I turned to the drugs that were so tempting it was impossible to resist.

At the same time, he had wounded me deeper than anyone ever could by leaving me in rehab with no contact with him. He'd splintered off pieces of my cracked heard each time I received a letter back with the RETURN TO SENDER stamp, or when he had hung up on me. Nothing prepared me for when I got home. I thought things would be better, but I only walked into my own personal representation of hell. Every ounce of recovery and strength I'd managed to build up inside the walls of Timberline Knolls was stripped away.

The baby complicated things. I know I shouldn't make my decision based on that, but it was a major factor for whether I stayed or went. I wanted the best life possible for my child, and knowing how easily Wilmer could switch off his feelings for me scared me to death. The thought of that ever happening again was enough to stop me from forgiving him, it was enough to stop me from falling head over heels for him again.

He wasn't helping.

There wasn't even a trace of the cold, hateful Wilmer that still haunted my nightmares. He was warm, and loving, and treated me like I was the most precious thing he'd even seen. Even before all of this happened, he didn't act like this. I know he's trying to make up for things and apologize, but it only makes my decision harder to make.

I wanted to love him, but how much could I risk by taking the chance he would never again go back to the monster he had become?

I got up slowly, groaning at my feet touched the ground. I was unbelievably tired, even though I'd gotten more sleep than usual last night.

"Morning." I looked up and saw Wilmer standing in the doorway.

"Morning."

He smiled and walked in, handing me a cup of tea. "How are you feeling?"

"Good." I rubbed my face. "Just tired."

Wilmer nodded and sat down next to me. "What are you doing today?"

I shrugged, my body protesting even the thought of moving today. "I have to go food shopping, and then Phil wants to set up a meeting soon, because I've basically been M.I.A. for the moment. I have to choose which talk show I want to go on to explain things, it'll probably end up being Ellen." I bit my lip. "And then I have to go to my mom's and tell her I'm pregnant."

At the last part, Wilmer smiled. "Do you want me to be there for that?"

I tilted my head. "Do you want to be?"

"Kind of." He leaned down and kissed my shoulder. "I'm excited."

"Me too. I just wish I knew what her reaction would be. Obviously she's going to know I got pregnant when we weren't okay, so she's going to have some questions, but I think at the end of the day she'll be happy."

~*~

"Breathe."

Wilmer stood holding my hand at the door to my mom's house. The moment we pulled onto her street my body flooded with anxiety.

"I'm trying."

He turned me to face him and pressed his lips to my forehead. "It's going to be fine, Demi. She's going to be thrilled. There's nothing to worry about."

"Easy for you to say." I mumbled, and sighed heavily. "Here goes nothing."

I raised my hand to knock on the door and after a moment it opened to my mom's smiling face.

"Hey baby!" She pulled me into a tight hug and I embraced her back, smiling at Eddie who stood behind her. "Hello Wilmer." My mom's tone held a streak of venom. It would take a long time for Wilmer to earn back her trust.

"Hi Dianna, it's good to see you again."

She just turned away, ushering me inside. While my mom got lunch ready, Wilmer and I sat on the couch. I slipped my hand into his and sighed heavily, leaning forward and closing my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I looked up as my mom walked back in with plates, looking between me and Wilmer. "What happened? What did you do?"

I felt protective of Wilmer as I shifted so I was in front of him. "Nothing's wrong, mom. Everything is okay."

"Don't lie to me." Her jaw was tense. "Demi, tell me the truth."

I took a slow deep breath in. "I'm pregnant."

The words hung in the air that suddenly was thick with tension. My mom's eyes widened, her mouth falling open as she snapped her gaze to Wilmer.

"You." Her tone was little more than a snarl. "Is this some psychotic plan to get her to forgive you? Get her pregnant so she can't leave you?"

"No mom!" I said. "Liste-"

"Did you do this so she'd be forced to stay with you? God when did you two even-" Her words cut off and her eyes narrowed into slits. "Did you force her?"

"No!" Wilmer said loudly, standing up. "Of course not, Dianna! Who do you think I am?"

"ALL I KNOW IS THAT TWO MONTHS AGO MY DAUGHTER CHECKED HERSELF INTO ANOTHER REHAB CENTER UNDER SUICIDE WATCH BECAUSE YOU MADE HER WANT TO KILL HERSELF. YOU DROVE MY DAUGHTER TO THAT POINT!"

"Stop yelling!" I pushed myself between them. "Mom-"

"Don't you dare defend him, Demetria! Don't you dare!"

"I'm not! He knows what he did was wrong! He knows that!"

My mom shook her head as Eddie walked into the room. "Eddie, get him out of here. Get Wilmer out of my fucking house!"

Eddie looked between all of us. "What's going on?"

"SHE'S PREGNANT!" My mom roared. "THIS SON OF A BITCH GOT HER PREGNANT!"

"Don't call him that!" Wilmer tried to pull me back as I got in my mom's face but I shoved him off. "Don't you dare! What happened is between Wilmer and I, not you! I know you're trying to protect me but it is my decision to forgive him. You can either support me and understand that I have my reasons, that are not all about me being pregnant, or you can tell me to leave." Her eyes widened but I kept my expression grim. "And if I walk out of this house, I'm not coming back."

My mom's mouth closed and she clenched her jaw, staring me down for a few moments. "Leave."

My chest felt hollow, like I was crumbling from the inside out.

"Dianna..." Eddie said, putting his hand on her back. "You don't mean that."

My mom didn't flinch. "Get the hell out of my house."

A bubble of anger broke through the hurt. "Last time I checked, I bought this house. Since Eddie and Maddie are still here, I won't tell you to be out by the end of the week. Don't worry though, from now on I'm out of your life. Goodbye, Dianna."

I turned on my heel and stalked out, Wilmer trailing behind me.

"Demi-" He tried to speak when we got to the car, but I held up my hand.

"Drive."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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-Rachel