Haze | Demi Lovato

5

Demi

I walked slowly through the treatment facility. It was Sunday, so we were usually left to own own devices. I decided to go to the music room, and it was thankfully empty. I walked over to the piano and ran my fingers over the smooth black and white keys. My pointer finger pressed down lightly on a key, the ringing sound making me smile softly. Then I slowly worked through a melody, the words leaving my lips before I could even think about them.

"I still remember my name, but forgotten my royal mistakes.

If only I could go back in time, to when you were a friend of mine.

If only we were a little less tired and true, you were being you and I was being two humans.

But who was I fooling? Oh, if only.

If only I could trust your love enough to turn the lights on.

If only I could wish your kiss was not a falling star.

If only I had your shoulder just to cry on.

If only you could pull me safe through these prison bars.

If only.

I took your crown of thorns, laid down to be reborn.

If only I wasn't flesh and bone, I could rise up from being stoned.

If only you could see through someone like me, lost in my haze ridden fantasy.

Oh baby just a little less lonely, I don't wanna be lonely.

Oh, if only.

If only I could trust you love enough to turn the light on.

If only trusting you wasn't a shot in the dark.

If only I had your shoulder to cry on.

If only you could touch my hand, bring me to the other side.

It's out with the old but I don't feel new.

I tell you don't worry about the drugs I am through.

If only I believed that was true.

We'd be living in that house and you'd be my view.

If only you knew how the voices of my demons can drown out the truth.

I can barely breath when I'm not sitting there with you.

My one place of freedom was sleeping next to you.

If only I could trust your love enough to turn the light on.

If only I could find your kiss while I'm here in the dark.

If only I could have your shoulder to cry on.

If only you could pull me safely through these prison bars.

If only..."

I was crying by the time I finished. My heart ached as I bent over the piano, my body shaking with sobs. I missed him more than any song could express. I needed him like I needed air. He was the only thing that could help me breathe. Every inch of my body ached for him.

"Demi, it's time for lunch- Oh. Sweetie are you okay?"

"No." I whimpered, curling into myself. "I can't do this without him. Please get him. Please. I can't... I can't. Please get him."

"Honey."

"PLEASE!" I screamed, backing up against the wall and sliding down to the floor. "Please get him. I can't do this. I need him."

"You need to come with me, Demi."

"No." I moaned, gripping my hair in my hands as I pulled my knees to my chest. "No I can't. I can't do it without him. I can't breathe. Everything hurts."

"I know sweetheart. But come on, you can eat in your room, just get off the floor, okay?"

"No." I whispered feebly, falling onto my side and curling into a ball. "No."

"Demi don't be alarmed. You're gonna feel a little prick, okay?"

I opened my eyes a bit to see her approaching with a syringe, and I knew it was a sedative. My eyes closed again; I welcomed anything that would take away this pain.

A small pain went through my neck, and my mind went hazy, pulling me down under the blanket of sleep.

~*~

"Demi? Honey wake up."

I slowly opened my eyes to see my mom squatting next to my bed, a soft smile on her face.

"Hey, baby girl. How are you feeling?"

I blinked a few times then closed my eyes. "It doesn't matter."

"They said you sang."

"It doesn't matter." I whispered again. "He doesn't want to hear it."

"Demi, please snap out of this."

"Snap out of it?" I looked up at her. "My husband hates me. The one person who's supposed to love, and care for me, hates me. He looks at me with disgust. He won't answer my calls and tells me not to write to him. When he comes here he doesn't want to see me. All he does it talk to my doctors. He hates me, and I hate myself. I hate myself because this is all my fault."

"Demi no it's-"

"Leave." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"Honey-"

"LEAVE!"

She flinched away at my shout and sighed, standing up. "Okay, I'll go. But I'll be back for visiting hours next weekend. I'm not going to let this become your life."

"It's too late." I murmured, closing my eyes again. "It already has."

~*~

"Get up."

My eyes opened and I gasped when I saw Wilmer's face in front of mine. "Wilmer?"

"Get the fuck up Demi." He grasped my arms and yanked me into a sitting position.

"What's going on?"

"You're not going to sit here and mope and play the victim because you don't like the way I'm treating you. You're going to go and get better and if you don't I want a fucking divorce."

I recoiled instantly, staring at him with wide-eyed shock.

"Mr. Valderrama this isn't what we discussed-"

"I don't give a shit." He snarled at my therapist. "Demi." His furious gaze turned back to me and I withered underneath it. "If you don't snap out of this I swear to God I'll send you the divorce papers and move out before you can say 'oops'."

I nodded fearfully. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. It means nothing to me until you actually have something to show for it." He turned on his heel and began to walk but I threw my arm out to grab his hand. "Don't touch me."

"Please Wilmer." I begged. "Just stay for five minutes. Please just hug me. I need you. I'm your wife."

"No you're not." His voice was so cold. "You're not the person I married."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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-Rachel