The Girl of my Dreams (romanogers)

Part 13

Steve

I still couldn't believe it, as I stared at her sketch, I had gotten it framed and kept it on my bedside table. I still remember the first time we met, and how I was in denial the whole time. How I thought she just looked like the girl of my dreams and nothing else. How irritated I was the whole time until we stayed at Sam's during the Shield issue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~FlashBack~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Timeline: Avengers at the helicarrier)

I was traveling with Agent Coulson, don't know where, we landed somewhere, in the middle of the sea. I stood there admiring the view, when some lady walked to us, I didn't see her face, just her figure in my distant view as my focus was somewhere else. She was close now, I had to face her to meet and greet.

"Agent Romanoff" Phil Coulson said,"Captain Rogers" he said in my introduction,

"Ma'am" I said and looked at her, my heart forgot to beat, my eyes widened, she was, was she really? She had the exact same face, the very eyes, the same nose, only her hair were different, how is this possible? How can she be real? She stood before me, I could actually see her, she was real.
"Hi" I heard her say and then she talked to Coulson, I was unable to focus, my mind played games with me, she was real? Or not, it was just her face, the girl in my dreams was a delicate soul, a beautiful dream, and this woman here, she was a tough rock, an impenetrable soul, my dream girl's eyes were full of life, and love, and this woman who looked exactly like her, her eyes were piercing, dark, full of haunted past. No! She isn't the one, she just looks like her, my dream girl doesn't exist, she lives in my dreams only, and her doppelganger was born years after I went under the ice.
Agent Coulson left and I had to walk with her

"There was quite a buzz around here, finding you in the ice..." she said, her voice was melodious, but cold, sharp, not like I had imagined, she said something else which I didn't hear.

"Did he ask you to sign his Captain America trading cards? " she asked

"Trading cards? " whatever, I had to keep the conversation going, no one has the right to know about my emotional turmoil .

"They are vintage, he's very proud" she said, we came across Bruce Banner, and I stepped away from her.

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The war ended, Loki was gone and we were back to our homes, I went back to my apartment and took my luggage out, my diary, I had it with me always, but that day I forgot it, and Peggy had kept it safe, as if she knew I would return, it was in the stuff Fury returned to me. I opened it up and saw the sketch.
She actually looked the same, the exact same eyes, except they weren't bright and shining, they were dull and broken.
Through out the war, we seldom interacted, and when we did, I called her 'ma'am', just to hide my feelings, she was a tough woman, a hard nut to crack, but I got to know that she was an ex-assassin. She was definitely not the one, although her name, it went well with my dreams, Natasha, yes I would call the girl of my dreams with the same name as her doppelganger, since she didn't exist, and after seeing her, all hopes were gone.
I lay down and closed my eyes, she was there, again, in the same manner, first behind the glass, crying as I transformed, and then on the sofa, smiling at me. My Natasha, Natasha Rogers. The girl of my dreams.

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A few days later, Fury asked me to join Shield, I accepted his offer, since I had nothing else to do. I had to move to Washington for the same, since his headquarters were there.
I was trying to adjust in the new world, the past still haunting me, and the worst was, I had to work with her. She tried to be friendly, even flirty, she wanted to set me up with a girl, if only I could tell her, I tried to remain cold and distant from her, but I couldn't help it, and unwillingly I started calling her on first name basis, and so did she. She was very annoying, she didn't listen to me, followed her own will on missions, talked alot, teased me, irritated me, she even thought we were good friends, we were, Maybe, I just wanted distance, I didn't want a girlfriend but she kept suggesting. Urgh!!!
I had found a friend, Sam Wilson, we had grown closer, he was one person I could trust with anything, but this was too much and I was not sure. But I still had one person I could tell everything to... Peggy Carter.

I visited her every week, she was in the hospital, old and fragile, but still my best girl. And I had decided I would tell her about Natasha, she might guide me on how to act around her.

"I need to tell you something very important Peg, I.. Do you remember, my sketch, the one I made in the camp, the dream I told you about? " I said enthusiastically, I doubted that she would remember but her smile proved that she did.

"You found her? " she said with a spark in her eyes.

"Yes, No, its complicated" I lowered my eyes.

"It wouldn't be love if it isn't " she said

"She.. she just has her looks, that's it, she isn't her, she doesn't feel the same, she is crazy and hard and difficult, she is annoying, she is her doppelganger not her" I said bitterly, why was nature playing games with me, why did I find and loose her, why?!

Peggy held my hand, "Give her a chance Steve, maybe its her outer tough shell that's hard to crack but on the inside, she might be exactly the one you desire" she smiled and then closed her eyes, falling asleep quickly.

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Fury died, I know what he meant to her, she was broken, I couldn't see her like that, she left the room and I rushed behind her
"Natasha" I called, she turned to face me, her grief written all over her face.
"Why was Fury in your apartment? " she asked, my heart broke to see her, and Fury asked me to stay silent.

"I don't know " I told her, I was being called, but I didn't care.

"You are a terrible liar" she said and stormed off, well not that terrible, I was lying about my feelings for so long, and she didn't get it.  I stood there helpless, with Fury gone, I had no one to trust, could I trust her? Only time would answer.

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