The Girl of my Dreams (romanogers)

Part 4

(Timeline - During Civil War at Peggy Carter's funeral)

Steve

Peggy left me too now, she was the only woman I opened up to, until I found her. She knew about my dreams, she had seen the sketch, and she was the one I told that I have actually found her. And now with her is gone my secret, now I live with it alone.
It had been 3 months since that day, the day we kissed, Natasha had left for a mission and didn't return until our mission in Lagos. We didn't interact much there, nor after that. The accords were a building pressure. And she sided with Tony, so that means there won't be much of us. She was avoiding me, that was obvious. She never failed to call me, but there wasn't even a text ever since that kiss. And I had no one to share this with, Peggy was gone and I couldn't share this with anyone else.

I stood alone after all the ceremony and speeches end. Alone in the church, I wanted this time, with myself, to figure some things out. I looked at door and my heart skipped a beat.
She walked towards me, in a black dress and coat. Really? So we have to talk on the accords now? I couldn't believe she came all the way to take advantage of my vulnerability at the moment. But I didn't want to be rude, so I started a general conversation.

"When I came out of the ice, thought everyone i knew was gone" I said, "I found out that she was alive, i was just lucky to have her" This was nothing but the truth, Peggy was my closest person, as much as Bucky, she knew me inside out, she knew all my secrets.

"She had you back too" she said with half smile. She looked down, lost in thoughts, biting her lip, trying to decide whether she should talk or not. I could see her restlessness, but I kept quiet, she has the right to choose whatever she wants and I am no one to go against it.

"After everything happened with shield" she began, her eyes still lowered, "during my little hiatus, i went back to Russia and tried to find my parents". Huh? She was now talking about her grief now, was she actually here to share my pain, was I so absorbed in my anger that I overlooked her genuine concern.

"Two little gravestones by a chain like fence " she continued, her eyes had silent tears, and her voice full of pain,
"I pulled some weeds and left some flowers." My heart ached at her voice, she has suffered alot, more then I can imagine, and I couldn't see her like this, I was wrong, I should have given her time.

"we have, what we have, when we have it" she forced a smile and looked at me. I smiled back, I should change the topic, take her out of the memories.

"Who all signed? " I asked, annoying topic, but what to do.

"Tony, Rhodey, Vision" she replied.

"Clint?"

"Says he's retired " she sighed.

"Wanda? "

"TBD".

Her eyes lowered again, "In Russia, in the red room, there were dozens of us. All girls, all young. We lived together ,they let us be friends" she lost her color as she spoke, my stomach curled inside, I don't have the heart to go through what she has been, "then they dropped us in the tundra, two weeks walk from home, with just enough supplies for one of us to survive" she didn't let her tears escape her eyes, she was an impenetrable marble, "don't let them push us into the cold ", I wish I could agree with her and let go, but I have decided and I won't change it, because at the end we would definitely suffer if we sign.

She looked up at me with a smirk, her sadness masked behind her tough face, she had years of experience, until you know what she has been through, you would never guess what's behind her mask.
"I'm off to Vienna for signing of the accords" her eyes brightened, "there's plenty of room on the jet", How badly I missed her flirting. She stepped closer and looked into my eyes.
"Just because its a path of least resistance, doesn't mean its the wrong path" she touched my heart with her words and her gaze, "staying together is more important then how we stay together " Yes, it is, but

"What are we giving out to do it" its easy to talk to her, because i know she won't argue, she would listen and respect my opinion.
"I'm sorry nat, i can't sign it" I declared.

"I know" she said. I know too,

"Then what are you doing here? " I know the answer again, but I want to hear it from her mouth.

"I didn't want you to be alone" she said tenderly, my heart skipped several beats,"come here " she pulled me into a hug, I dug my head into her shoulder, and she rubbed my back. I held her close, took her fragrance in, she did the same, i felt her sigh.

We stood like that for a minute or more, I moved away, she put a hand on my cheek, "Whatever may happen Steve, my heart would always be on your side" she said in a whisper and then turned to leave, I watched her walk away, thinking of the moment when we would meet again.