The Girl of my Dreams (romanogers)

Part 17

Natasha

I was completely broken, destroyed, shattered. Maria tried to console me

"You should be happy Nat, you are having a baby" she rubbed my back.

"I am happy that I'm pregnant Maria, but" I wiped my tears, "we were together, for three months, and.. nothing happened then , it had to happen when.. when he was not himself, when he touched me with the purpose of hurting me, whenever I would look at our child, I would be reminded of that day" Maria hugged me, "how will he face it? He won't ever forgive himself". This was what hurt me the most, Steve would hate himself for what he did, he won't be able to forget it.

Tony rushed in, "Are you alright? ".

I looked at Maria, "I had to tell someone" she said with guilt.

"Yes, I'm fine" I told him, hiding my tears.

"Natasha, are you? " he sat by my side.

"Yes" I replied, "I'm pregnant " .

Tony took my face into his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs, "We will bring him back, I promise, and you don't have to look at this that way, you are pregnant, with your husband's child, that's what matters, okay? ". I nodded, he hugged me, "We are all in this together, you are not alone" .
But he was, I had my family with me, but Steve, he was all alone, suffering, the thought of whatever torment he must be in, made me sick in my stomach. I rushed to the restroom and vomited. Where was he? Why did hydra take him? And most importantly, why did they make him do that to me? Why is our marriage a pain to them? Too many questions and no one to answer.

Tony went back to continue his search, and I told Maria to leave me alone, I wanted my private time to think over. But all the while, I kept thinking of how he hurt me, without his own will. And I missed him, I missed his smile, his touch, the way he played with my skin, the way he kissed me, the way he loved me. Nothing hurt me as this separation did, not even the torments in the red room, no pain, physical or mental hurt my soul the way this hurt. This pain stabbed my soul, crushed it, teared it apart. And the worst thing was, I had no idea what kind of torture he was going through, I couldn't even imagine what they had to him that he was so unlike himself, that his soul got so weak that he could hurt me.
My heart ached at the horrible thoughts, it was then my elbow hit the frame and it fell on the ground.
Steve's sketch, my sketch that he made, it was so dear to him for unknown reasons, the glass was in pieces, the frame cracked, the sketch lay under the mess.  I sat on the floor and carefully took the sketch out, removing all pieces away. I turned it to see if there were any pieces and my eyes widened. The date! But how was it possible? It dated back to the 1940s!
How is that even possible ?
I rushed to our cupboard and searched for his diary, I never tried to read it, it was his private one, but today I couldn't resist. I found it in the drawer under his clothes, and quickly start reading.

I saw you in my dream tonight.
Smiling at me with your eyes bright.
You had no tears, this time
only brightness that lightens up my life.
I do not know if you exist,
but if you do, you should know you are mine.
I am broken and all alone,
you fill my heart and complete my soul.
You are my strength, you are my hope
you are the reason I'm still up hold.
As odd as it seems,
you are still
The girl of my dreams.

My heart broke, he loved me since then? He had seen me in a dream? I turned the pages of the diary and read further, and every line broke my soul, he loved me so much, he was cold to me because he thought I was different, and then he eventually thought I was his dream girl. I hugged his diary and cried. I didn't deserve him, he was too pure.

"Your daddy loved me before I was even born" I held my lower belly, " and I love him too". Yes, I did, I love my husband, I love him a lot. Not as much as he loved me, I could never do it, no one could. But I did love him, more then I ever loved anyone in my life. And I need to rescue him, he was held captive, used against the person he loved, whosoever had him, wanted me, and used him. I would find that person and kill him. I need to bring back the father of my child no matter what it takes, he has had enough, he needs all the love and protection. If I was his light, then I'll prove it.

I got up, secured his sketch and diary back in the cupboard, and got ready.
I was going to find out where my husband was, and I knew they would reach me themselves!!

************

So guys, who do you think has Steve?
Would Natasha find and save him?
Don't forget to check out Romanogers diaries, i will post my romanogers one shots there.
Also, check out Beyond Bounds, Scarlett and Chris are my muse for the leads