Girl of Never : Days to Love (Chat MD Series #4)

Day 77 : Probe

Probe
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I'm fuming with anger upon receiving the letter that relieves me from my position at the lab. I don't want to think that this is all Harry's doing but who else would make the call? Siya ang head researcher!

May iba pa bang na-relieve? Or is it just me? Did he really want to get rid of me that much? What did I do? Make his heart beat like crazy so he needs me gone?

Goddamn it!

I marched from the office to the main laboratory. Bitbit ko ang printed out na letter. I felt like going crazy.

It hurts and I'm mad and I'm worried, too. Nami-miss ko na siya ngayon pa lang. The letter said that the developments would take about three to six months to be completed.

So... three to six months ko ba siyang hindi makikita? Matino pa ba 'ko no'n? Pa'no kung matuluyan akong mabaliw?

Maingay ang yabag ko pagbukas ng glass door ng main lab. I found Harry inside, holding a test tube in his hand and a beaker in the other. Sabay-sabay na napatingin sa'kin ang lahat ng tao sa loob—siya at ang mga assistant. Nando'n din sina Vina at Kaye.

"Jia..." tawag ni Vina.

Pero dumiretso ako kay Harry.

"What's this?" matigas na tanong ko sa kanya.

He looked at the paper I was waving at him. 

"It is what it is. You are temporarily relieved from your position. May meeting mamaya if you want to discuss it thoroughly," sagot niya.

"Cut the crap, Dr. Lastimosa."

Nagbangga ang mga mata namin. His eyes is both sad and cold.

Walang nagsasalita sa mga tao sa lab. Pakiramdam ko, wala ring kumikilos.

"Is this because I confessed my feelings to you? Is it a burden to you?" I asked him.

Napakurap siya.

"Stop the nonsense, Jianna."

Jianna.

He says my name with a lingering sound. As if he's playing with the syllables. He sounded gentle. As if pleading. If this is too much love, I might just be hallucinating with all these.

Baka wala namang espesyal sa pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko. Pinapalaki ko lang siguro.

I looked down and saw how he's angled towards me. I looked at his eyes and saw a shadow of sadness.

Am I really hallucinating the signs? What is the truth?

"Is this because I kissed you? Twice?" tanong ko uli.

Napalunok siya at napatingin sa mga nasa lab.

I heard the glass door opening and footsteps going out.

Are we alone now? Hindi ako makalingon sa paligid dahil nakabantay ako sa lahat ng kilos ni Harry.

Gosh! This man... I'm so mad but I can't go full psycho on him!

All I can think about is that he wants me gone. And that thought felt like shards of glasses piercing into my chest. It cuts painfully slow and carves out all that I fear about.

He wants me gone. He doesn't want to see me. Does he hate me and my guts?

I bit my lower lip as hard as I could before asking again. "Are you getting rid of me? Because I am too much?"

"Naka-explain sa letter ang dahilan, Jianna. Why would I get rid of you?"

"Because I affect you!" sabi ko sa kanya. "I stir you and I don't know what else!"

Kumurap siya at napatiim-bagang. "You don't affect me at all."

"What about that first and second kiss?"

"I felt nothing."

I gritted my teeth. Alam ba niyang wala siyang talent sa pagsisinungaling? His eyes glistened as if he will shed tears. He looked so, so sad that it makes me sad, too.

"Why are you pushing me away if I don't affect you? Why are you trying so hard to ignore me? Why do you lie?"

Lumikot muna ang mata niya bago siya tumitig sa'kin.

"You don't affect me, Jianna. I don't feel anything for you, for you to stir me."

I stared at his eyes and swallowed the pain in my throat.

Nothing, huh? Wala uli?

Umiiwas siya sa'kin, dahil wala. In-assign niya 'ko sa new site kahit mas maraming trabaho sa dati kong pwesto dahil wala. At ngayon, temporarily relieved ako... dahil wala.

Wala kasi siyang nararamdaman.

I stepped towards him. Sigurado sa bawat isa.

"Wala kang nararamdaman?" tanong.

"Wala."

Humakbang pa 'ko palapit.

"I don't affect you, right?"

"Stop this, Jianna."

Jianna again. Mababaliw na 'ko.

May hawak siyang test tube sa isang kamay at beaker sa isa pa. Hindi niya 'ko maiiwasan.

"Whatever I do, you won't be stirred."

Umurong siya nang isa habang kunot ang noo. But behind him is a glass wall. He won't be able to run away from me.

I need to probe now to relieve the pain in my chest.

"Hey, Jianna..." sita niya. Nakasandal na siya sa glass wall.

"Hey, Harry..." sabi ko kanya nang nasa harapan na niya ako. "For someone who's not affected, you looked very troubled."

Tumitig siya sa'kin.

Hinawakan ko siya sa collar ng damit niya at tumingkayad ako para pumantay ang mukha ko sa kanya. I studied his face.

I could hear my heart pounding. I could feel his heartbeat, too.

His heartbeat does not lie.

Inilapat ko ang palad ko sa leeg niya at pinalakad ang daliri ko sa pulso niya. Malakas ang tibok niyon sa dulo ng daliri ko.

Tinitigan ko ang mga mata niya.

"Your pupil's dilated, Harry," I told him. "Your pulse is faster than normal. And I bet, you're holding your breath right now."

Marahan siyang nagpakawala ng mabigat na hininga.

"Predict what I'm going to do next," bulong ko sa kanya. Inilapit ko ang labi ko sa labi niya hanggang sa halos wala na iyong pagitan.

He swallowed.

Kumalma ako sa reaksyon niya.

Good grief.

I smiled of relief. His reaction's enough. I affect him... kahit ipagsinungaling pa niya.

Ipinantay ko ang pagkakatayo ko sa harap niya at inilapat ang noo ko sa dibdib niya.

Yeah. His heart beats like crazy, all right.

I affect him and that is trouble for him but—

"You don't hate me," bulong ko at nagbuga ng hangin. Inilapat ko ang palad ko sa nagwawalang tibok sa dibdib niya. I wish I could magically keep his heartbeat inside the palm of my hands to assure me I'm not hated. "You're not getting rid of me because you hate me. That's enough for me."

Inilayo ko ang sarili ko sa kanya at tumingala. He's red... and troubled.

"I don't hate you, too. Even though you're ridiculous and a real pain in the arse." Huminga ako nang malalim. "I guess, that's love, huh?"

Tinitigan ko pa siya bago ako matipid na ngumiti.

"I'll miss you, Harry."

Tumalikod ako pagkatapos.

What do I do now when I miss him? #0143ma / 11212016