Save Me

Chapter 15: Not-So-Friendly Friend Zone

Erika

"It's happening!"


"No, it's not, Blair!"


"It's happening! It's finally happening! Lerika is happening!" She yelled into the phone, and I moved it away from my ear.


"No Blair, it's not." I said, feeling defeated.


"What? Why not?"


"We aren't dating."


"Why not? You guys kissed. You're practically married."


"Oh gosh, no. Maybe if you let me tell you what happened, I could clear it up."


"Okay..." she said apprehensively. "Tell me."


"Lucas..." All he did was stare at me and I could do was stare at him. I had just kissed Lucas.


"Erika, are we still friends?"


"Not if you don't want to be."


He sighed and held my head in my hands. "I still do."


And that was when my heart broke.


"Why?"


"Erika, you know how I feel about you. But we can't be together. I'm only going to hurt you."


"Lucas, stop."


"No, Erika. I can't hurt you. I was a broken person, floating day by day. You've saved me. You've helped make me the person I am today. For that, I could never repay you. But I can't lose you and I won't risk losing you. Because I know if we're together, I'll mess it up and our entire relationship will be destroyed. I've barely made it through the first accident. I don't think I could make it through another one. Just look what shit I pulled today."


"It was my fault, Lucas."


"Ricky, please. For your sake and mine, can we please stay friends?" Lucas extended his hand out, waiting for me to shake it.


"So I did."


"Oh my gosh. I feel bad for you because I know you really like him, but I can't help but feel bad for Lucas. No matter what anyone tells him, he still feels like he has to give the world his happiness as a punishment. He's constantly looking for some kind of redemption for what he did. It's like he feels as if he needs to protect the world from himself," Blair concluded.

"I know, and that's what breaks my heart the most. I want to get through to him. He knows that I like him and he likes me, but he's scared he's going to hurt me like he hurt Amy."


"He doesn't want to hurt you, Erika. Just hang in there, babe. Maybe one day, but right now, just let Lucas know that you're there for him."


"Maybe this is for the best, Blair. Maybe this was just me being delusional. That I could be happy. Lucas is living in his own nightmare, thinking that he doesn't deserve the world. The truth is that the world doesn't deserve him. He cares way more about the people around him than he does about himself. He does everything he can for his family and his friends, all while feeling he has to give away his soul for some kind of reprieve. I want to give that to him. Lucas and I both feel the same, like we don't belong anywhere anymore. But he does have a place. And I will stay strong and follow him—struggle to the ends of the earth with him if it made him realize and believe, even a little bit, all that he's worth. To everyone and to me."



"Erika, this isn't some delusion. This is real. What Lucas feels for you is real. He even told you. Erika, I know it may seem like I'm lying to make you feel better, but it's the truth. You and Lucas need each other."

You don't deserve him, Erika. You don't deserve him.

"If only that were the case." I took a breath. "I want to prove to to him that he's worth everything. But if I succeed, he'll realize he's too good for me. Look at me, following him around like a lost puppy. He doesn't need me. I don't deserve him."


And I hung up the phone.


______________________________________________

"So good to see you, Erika!" Mrs. Perry said.


"Hi, Maria!" I said, and I hugged her. "Are you enjoying your New Years?"


"I am! I made some snacks on the kitchen and Lucas and Amy are upstairs in her room."


"Okay thank you!" I took off my shoes and left my purse and stuff by the door. I went up the stairs and outside of Amy's room. The door was open and Lucas was teaching Amy how to use the guitar he bought her for Christmas.


"This is a G-chord. See where I have my fingers?" He said, indicating them. He played the chord and Amy copied with the same things. "Awesome."


I knocked on the door and both their eyes went to me. Amy put down the guitar and ran to me and I picked her up.


"Hey, I missed you!" I coddled her face and kissed her cheek. I went over Lucas and sat next to him on the bed. He held my chin and kissed my temple and I tried my hardest to keep a straight face. Ever since Christmas, Lucas has been more affectionate. A lot more affectionate. He made it clear that we would stay friends, but he's made that very difficult. He kisses either my forehead or my cheek every time we see each other, puts his arm around me every time we sit together and sometimes holds my hand when I'm driving. It's been driving me crazy.


Don't be ridiculous, Erika. Lucas has obviously gotten over it. Why can't you?



"I see that you've been teaching Amy guitar, Luke."



"Yeah, well I figured that since I got her the thing, might as well teach it to her." So selfless.



"Well, let's let the master wield her weapon, shall we?" I said, taking Lucas' guitar from him. I strummed the chords playing the tune that made Amy's mouth perk up into a bright smile. Her favorite song. Right now anyway. Lucas looked like he remembered it, as well.



"I don't know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you say

I'm just trying, just trying." I looked to Lucas to sing the next part with me.



"So I heard

You are my sister's friend

You get along quite nicely.

You ask me why I cut my hair and

Change myself completely." Amy smiled brightly at Lucas and I, singing to her.



"I don't know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you say

I'm just trying, just trying." I said, singing and signaling to Lucas that I'll sing the next part.



"I went from bland and popular

To joining the marching band.

I made the closest friends

I'll ever have in my lifetime." I smiled and continued.



"I'm lost

Trying to get found in an ocean of

People.

Please don't ask me any questions,

There won't be a valid answer.

I'll just say." I took a breath, and Lucas rejoined.



"That I don't know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you say

I'm just trying, just trying." Lucas and I said, as I picked up the pace.



"I now know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you say

I'm not trying, but I'm trying

To find my way." I strummed the last chord.


I heard clapping from behind us and I turned to the door frame and Wil and Maria were there clapping. I blushed and gave the guitar back to Lucas.


"No, encore! Encore!" Will shouted, motioning to me and Lucas. He looked to me and shrugged. He looked at me, waiting for my answer. I cracked under the pressure of his gaze. He handed me back the guitar.



"What do you want to sing?" I asked, Lucas.



"My family has already heard me sing. This is your moment."



"Luke, I've never sung to anyone before, except for you, Amy, Sophia and Terry."



"Ricky, please. You are an amazing singer. You were given this talent, show it off!" I thought for a long while, if I wanted to do this.



I played the first few notes.



"I won't do the whole thing this time."



"This time?" Luke said, teasing. I rolled my eyes and thought for a second before starting to strum.



"I'm waking up

To ash and dust

I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust

I'm breathing in the chemicals."



"I'm breaking in, shaping up

Then checking out on the prison bus

This is it

The apocalypse

Woah." I didn't look up the whole time.



"I'm waking up

I feel it in my bones

Enough to make my systems blow.

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm

Radioactive, radioactive

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm

Radioactive, radioactive." I strummed the last new chords and the Perry family erupted into applause again. I couldn't help but smile.



"Ricky, you don't give yourself enough credit. You're amazing!" Lucas said, squeezing my shoulders hard.



"Erika, you've never sang in public before?" Maria asked.



"No, never."



"You are one the greatest singers I've heard! And you and Lucas together is perfection. You two should sing at a big family gathering."




"Hel..." I stopped, knowing Amy was there. I covered her ears, even though I knew she could still hear me. "I'm sorry, Maria, but hell no!"



"It was just an idea. I won't force you to do anything. But Erika, you have talent. And chula you need to flaunt it." She kissed my forehead. "We'll be downstairs. Amy, come help mommy bake some cookies." Amy jumped off the bed and ran past Maria just as she closed the door, leaving Lucas and I alone. He pulled me into his chest and rested his chin on my head and I closed my eyes.



"How can I prove to you how amazing you are?" He muttered.



"You can't," I said, my voice and face muffled in his chest.



"Doesn't mean I won't stop trying."



"Oh really, Luke?"



"Mmhm." It was silent again. "Hey Ricky?" I moved my head to show him I was listening. "You're amazing."



"Shut up." He chuckled.



"Come on. Let's go watch the ball drop."


______________________________


"Cookies are ready!" Maria yelled from the kitchen and both and I and Lucas dashed there hoping to get there first. There were snowflake sugar cookies and I had to grab at least three. We sat in the living room watching the live performances for New Years.





"Let's take a group picture!" Maria said, getting her camera.



"I'll take it," I said.



"No you're in the photo too, Erika!"



"No, it's a family picture. I don't want to intrude."



"Come Erika, get in the picture," Lucas said, standing behind Amy. Lucas and Will were in the back and Maria and Amy were in the front. Maria set up the tripod with the camera on a timer. I stood next to Lucas on the end. The camera light flashed with every passing second. Just as the camera took the picture, I felt Lucas kiss my cheek and my eyes closed.



We disbanded and Maria went to go look at the picture. We all crowded around the camera to see the picture. Amy, Will and Maria smiled at the camera. Lucas was kissing my cheek and I was smiling at the camera with my eyes closed.



"Aw, it's cute!" Maria said. "This one I'm definitely keeping."



"Mom, can you send me that picture?" I blushed with my face in my hands and Lucas laughed rubbing my shoulders.



We all settled back on the couch to see all the performances of New Years.



After some time, Will, Maria and Amy decide to go sleep because Amy has a soccer game tomorrow.



"Luke..." I groaned.



"What?"



"Can we go get New Year's stuff?"



"Why?"



"Because.... It'll be fun."



"Ugh... okay," he said closing his computer. I grabbed his hand and piles him out the door.



"Do you have your keys?" I asked, and Lucas pulled them out and locked the front door.



"Let's go, then." I went into the front seat and Lucas settled in the passenger seat. We drove up around town looking for the nearest store until we pulled up to a Party City that closed in an hour.



"Okay, what are we getting?" Luke said, when we were in the store.



"Let's get that top hat. And that headband as well."



"You're wearing those glasses!" He said, taking them off the rack.



"Pardon me, but I couldn't help but notice how cute you two are together."



We both turned around and saw a little teenage girl, probably around 15. When she saw our faces, her face morphed to a face of excitement.



"Oh my gosh! Erika Kingsley! Can I have a picture?"



"Sure," I said and she grabbed her smartphone. Lucas stood to the side, watching us.



"No, your boyfriend can be in the picture too."



"No, he's not-" I didn't finish my sentence before taking the picture with the both of us. She went off yelling a quick thank you.



"That was weird."



"You get used to it." I said, turning my attention back to the Party City items.


_______________________________________________________________


Lucas and I had donned our New Year's gear. I was wearing a New year's headband with some 2017 sunglasses and a little lips wand. Lucas wore his festive top hat, mustache wand and 2017 sunglasses as well.



"It's 11:55. Let's take some selfies before the ball drops," I told him. We took at least 10 of them from proper smiles to ridiculous faves.



"This one's my favorite," I said. It was the one in which Lucas was cross eyed and I was pulling at my pigtails, with my tongue out.


"I like this one." Lucas said, which was the one in which I had cupped Lucas's head in my hand and our cheeks were pressed together and we were smiling. "Send me those pictures," he said, pulling out my phone.



"1 minute until the ball drops!" I yelled, jumping back into the crouch. We stared at the numbers count down from sixty and waited for it to get to ten seconds.



"10!"


"9!"


"8!"


"7!"


"6!"


"5!"


"4!"


"3!"


"2!"


"1!"


And then I felt Lucas kiss me. My eyes fluttered closed and the entire world stopped. He held my face in his hands as he pulled away slowly and pressed his forehead against mine.



"Happy New Year, Ricky."