Narrator's rants en life

This is what happens when you join a writtinf club (rp) part 1

This is a big game some friends made up and it became bigger than we ever dreamed of. . . As in it has more dank memes. Try to enjoy this gang of 7-8 player role play on the spot improv with dice rolls to get stuff done.

(Credit goes to Kyle and John Bricker, My bro and I, Johnny dorries, Phil the all mighty, and Luke the savage, along with Remiton and Josh.) MeaninglessLyrics is the guy who put our actions into words. Give him a thumbs up for writing this.

The small town known by many as the Mountains of Washington DC was by far the worst place to ever vacation at. The citizens of the area were a joke in an almost literal sense. Not only did they all look like rejected extras from a Monty Python sketch, but it seemed as if every moment in their life was just one slapstick gag after another. They could be much worse. The worst crime to ever be committed in this town was suburban larceny. In fact, even the gangs of the ghetto streets were completely innocent. Considering that there was only one gang in the whole town, stocked with only two actual members, the place was almost always safe at all time. The gang served no threat. All they carried was paintball guns and cheeseburgers. Nobody knew why they carried cheeseburgers, and nobody really cared either.
So, if this place is so magnificently safe, why would people hate to vacation there? The answer is two simple but deadly words: they rhyme with Shkyinfinite and Shkyotel. That's right, the Infinite Hotel. The sites from the Mountains of Washington DC weren't exactly the most impressive to visit. The "Sumran D'mCafe" had a putrid kitchen along with bathrooms that were more often used for customer's vomiting out the special of the day. The "Moth and Crow Pub" was a delightful place, but they didn't serve any alcohol. This basically turned it into an abandoned tavern, and it soon became haunted by Death's Wife. Parker's "Pizza Time" Joint had been closed several times due to people continuously falling off the roof of the complex. The worst part was that the fall wasn't big enough to kill the person; it would just paralyze them for life. But still, none of these places were even a fraction as bad as The Infinite Hotel.
This horrid tower had cursed the entire town to complete and utter shadow. President James K. Maston labeled it as America's Scarlet Letter. Oscar winning actor, Nicolas Cage, called it an atrocity to the creativity of the human race. Even Bill O'reilly described it as the most shameful aspect of world history since Alabama's approval of gay marriage. With all this credible hatred, The Infinite Hotel was often avoided by tourists. Nevertheless, THREE small reasons – all validated – kept the civilians of the world away from its premise by a one mile radius (it's a sad truth, since it puts terrible real estate on all the stores adjacent to the hotel).
The first reason was because the Infinite Hotel had terrible service, and yet they still demanded high tips. The second reason was because all of the food in the Infinite Hotel was always overpriced and expired. And the third reason was because the Infinite Hotel was secretly a government military base. Whenever someone tried to check into the building, they'd get shot in the face for infiltrating forbidden territory... unless they were white, then they would be let off with a warning.
In this base, they guarded it, the Rubik's Cube of Destiny. By some, it was known as the Living Flux. By others, it was known as the Corinic Stone. Some random custodian even went on a limb and called it a Shomoyowo, whatever that means. The names often fluctuated, but nothing changed the fact that it was powered by Vukes, the most powerful element in the planet. Nothing could destroy it, not even the power of friendship. Invisible upon first sight, a small dose of raw Vukes could brainwash an entire country for years without the slightest of suspicions. Because of this very reason, it was kept secret, and it was kept safe. But then everything changed when Disney attacked. On July 2, 2016, the true independence day of the United States, Disney started its own country. And on July 3, they invaded the Mountains of Washington DC, bombing it to the very ground. Following this devastating action, they took the Rubik's Cube of Destiny. However, with this god-like weapon in their hands, they called it the Vukes Cube (because Disney is kind of anal about trademarked names)
With the country in dire need, the President phoned in on their two most reliable agents, Ghost the Gunner and Habbid the Hitman.
*