A Night With The Gay Bachelor

CHAPTER 1

Faye's

I'm currently tinting up my soft lips with my newly bought mauve matte lipstick. I looked at my face being reflected on the pressed powder's built-in mirror. There was no emotion nor subjective response. Mere boredome is plastered all over it, no more, no less. The color brought by the thing on my face right now truly replicated myself, dull but still gorgeous. Dull but still igniting. Dull but still powerful. I admit I have been dull but still I'm remarkably notable.

Sinara ko na yung salamin at mabilis na sinilid lahat ng mga ginamit ko sa loob ng pouch saka nilagay ito sa bag. Pagkatapos dahan dahan kong inunat ang aking mga braso para kahit papaano, maibsan ng kahit konti ang aking pagkangalay sa mag hapong pagkakaupo.

Kakatapos ko pa lang pirmahan yung mga papers na bigay ng secretary ko. It's been a busy day. Well it's never been unusual for me. My life has always been like this since I started working as the Director of Finance in our company. I just had this position last year. It came really early actually, the title and the role that Dad gave me, I never expected to have it with this age. Plus, the pressure and issues people in this company giving me, makes me want to achieve more than just to be a young director. Kesyo nakuha ko lang daw ng gan'on kadali yung position kasi anak daw ako ng may-ari ng kompanya, kesyo hindi naman daw ako worth nung promotion kasi hindi pa daw ako gan'on kabihasa, kesyo yung ability and skills ko daw hindi pa naaayon doon sa title which is unfair daw sa mga mas deserving, and blah blah blah. Well I guess there's nothing else I can do but to prove them wrong. Honestly, these green-eyed monsters are my motivation to get up and work my ass off everyday, so I kinda commend them for that. They should keep it up until the end I suggest. I just do hope they won't get tired or won't get fired.

I admit it's a bit hard to work within this kind of workplace but I can manage it really well though. I like it actually, at least there's some challenge other than just letting days pass just by reading some stack of papers and stuff. I love how they invest some of their time and effort to me. I really admire the attention.

In the middle of my little existential crisis, napansin kong unti- unti nang lumulubog ang araw sa labas ng malaking glass window. Ibig ring sabihin no'n mababalot na ng kulay kahel ang buong opisina ko. Damn I love this time of the day. I love golden hour. It makes everything so calm. Tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa sa tuwing nasisinagan na ng gintong liwanag ang silid, I faced my swivel chair towards the window, close my eyes and let out deep breaths. I could feel the sunlight hitting my cold skin. It felt good so I layed my back and stayed like that until I could no longer feel the subtle heat.

"Finally, something good to end the day." I told myself pagkatapos kong makita ang kabuuan ng tinitignan ko. I've seen this view a hundred times before yet I always end up being amazed by the great sight.

Seeing those lights moving on the different streets and directions, the busy lights from the different buildings and the darkness that slowly fades off the scenery of the sunset. It's just so heartwarming. Nakakawala ng pagod.

But then I suddenly felt something pinch me. A familiar sensation that kept me accompanied for a while now. Whenever I'm alone, this feeling never misses a chance to strike my whole existence. Mula sa labas ng bintana, bumaba ang tingin ko hangang sa matigas na lapag ng opisina.

I feel so weak and empty...

Hindi ko mapigilang mapa buntong-hininga dahil sa tuwing nararamdaman ko ito pakiramdamdam ko wala akong kwenta, na wala akong karapatang maging masaya sa kabila ng lahat ng tagumpay kong tinatamasa. Unti- unti na naman ako nitong nilulunod sa kawalan.

I just hate this feeling! I'm dead sure to myself that I'm not weak! And I am definitely not empty! As a matter of fact I'm a woman who has everything. I have the power, wealth, intellect and beauty that most people wished to have. Ang buong akala ko noon, once na meron na ako ng lahat, hindi na ako makakaramdam pa ng pagkukulang. But why do I still feel this way? I asked myself that same question several times but then I always end up not even getting a single answer. And it makes me fucking sick frustrated!