A Night With The Gay Bachelor

CHAPTER 7

Faye's

I looked at the guy who took a seat before me. We're couple of inches apart but I could easily guess that he's already a bit drunk. I wasn't yet finish checking him out when I heard Tanya squeal beside me. "Oh my God! He is so cute! I think he is the one. Wait me here girls. I'll just join him for a sec." Saka siya tumayo at lumipat ng upuan katabi nung bagong dating. Iniwan niya lang kaming natatawa ni Tricia. I silently thank the guy for saving my ass from Tanya.

Ang lapit lang nila sa kinauupuan ko kaya habang ninanamnam ko yung milkshake na ni-order nila sakin, rinig na rinig ko rin yung one-sided conversation nila Tanya at nung lalaki. Gusto ko sanang tumawa kaso baka pagkamalan akong baliw nitong isa ko pang kasama. Right now, I just want to cheer for Tanya. Push it further dear, kaya mo 'yan!

I was busy eavesdropping when Tricia suddenly spoke. "I know this is kinda obvious but Faye, I still want to ask. . . kumusta ka na?" At parang biglang namuo yung iniinom ko na muntik nang bumara sa aking lalamunan, hindi ako makapagsalita. Dahan dahan akong napatingin sa kaliwa ko. She smiled at me lightly. "Faye I am your friend, you can tell me anything."

After hearing those words, it seemed that I suddenly couldn't decode any of it. I was loss for words and even basic mobility. It sounded like a miracle for me to hear that set of phrases from someone other than my psychiatrists and psychologists.

After what she said, I suddenly felt the need of having someone to talk to. I've been keeping these heavy burdens to myself for years and today I felt like I found my salvation. A person who's really willing to lend an ear for my sentiments and not just someone who's obliged to do so out of profession and monetary value.

"Trish," panimula ko habang nakatingin sa milkshake na nangangalahati na sa baso. "What are you talking about? I'm now doing fine. I just feel so stress lately but I'm okay." I laughed to sound funny but it seems that I laughed because I just want to convince myself that I am really okay. I glanced at Trisha, she was also seemed not satisfied by my statement so I immediately shifted my eyes back on the table. I'm still a coward, I know.

"Faye, I said you can tell me everything and not just the superficials. I know you're not okay. I am here to listen so please don't hold anything back." And with that, I felt my chest tightened. I don't know where did I get the courage but I was able to spill the tea to her.

Then I laughed at my thought."Ganun ba talaga ako ka-miserable tignan?" She was about to answer me but I continued.

"Yes, I am still that miserable, Trisha. Pathetic isn't it? What do you think is wrong with me? Kasi sa pagkakaalam ko, ginawa ko naman na ang lahat para maging buo ulit ako." I told her wholeheartedly. I always value logic more than emotions but for the first time I let my real emotions visible, and never minding what will going to happen after this.

She faced me leaving her drink untouched. "Are you really fixing yourself? Or are you just doing things to merely distract yourself to the pain you are feeling right now? Faye, learn to differentiate those two things." Nakatingin pa rin ako sa basong kaharap ko. I am scared of facing her. I'm scared of the truths she's actually stating right in front of my face. "Faye"

"Honestly, I don't know where I am heading, Trish. Hindi ko na alam. All I know is that I am still feeling really bad. I thought I was okay... I mean, I wasn't the one who lied and cheated, so the burden should be on Chris' shoulder, not mine. He is the one who should feel guilty pero bakit gan'on?"

"Bakit parang na saakin yung mali? Kasi ako yung sobrang nasaktan... at ako pa rin hanggang ngayon yung nagdurusa?"

"It's hard to admit... pero kasi Tricia, ang sakit sakit pa rin e." I felt her staring at me, trying to decipher my unfiltered statements. Again I tried to sip my drink to distract myself from crying. At habang patuloy ko yun ginagawa, dinig na dinig ko pa rin yung boses ni Tanya sa kabila ng malakas na musika sa loob ng bar. Fucking love songs. What kind of playlist the DJ have this time? Ang panget!