My First Crush

Chapter 11: Broken

Cece´s POV

“I wished Nate would stay” my mother whispered as I over-heard their conversation.

“Come on Sandra, there is too much mess around here and he needs to build up his future” my father answered.

“Yeah I know, I just think everything would be less complicated, what´s going to happen to Cece?” she said with broken voice.

Yeah… what was going to happen to me? I think more that four days had passed since I came back home after the kidnap and nothing was clear. At the beginning pain over-seized me but I completely lost it after my aunt´s visit. Her last visit. Every time I looked down I could see her blood in my hands, every time my ears were un-cover I could hear Caroli´s sobs… My eyes were always glued in tears, they did not see anything clear and my body was the crafed image of my soul, empty and utterly hollow. Nothing seemed right, three days since the accident and I keep reliving every single detail. How the ambulance took her dead body, Caroline´s horrified expression and the bitter immobility that took possession of my body. Dead, she was fucking dead and what was the last damn thing I told her? DAMN “WHATEVER”. She was so kind, so polite, she was my aunty, she played with me when I was little, she argued with my mother to let me go to parties, her heart was so big and she loved me like her own daughter, and I told her whatever!

I could not forgive myself, I could not. If I had been there when she got that heart attack, if I had been there with her I would have caught her, she would have not died drained out of blood, Caroline would had never seen the dead body of her mum. If I wouldn´t have been that mean and shitty to her, she would have known how much I loved her, but no, now she is gone, and it’s my fault. My mother was broken, I knew she did not blame me but yet I could see right in the corner of her eye her disappointed look. And then Nate, oh my god Nate, he was leaving me. I knew he is only following his dream and that he politely told me “I can stay if you need me-“but no, I could not be so selfish.

I was shatter, my nights lacked sleeping, consumed by the nightmares of how my kidnapper’s hands stroking my thighs… the bloody floor of the kitchen… I woke up with a terrible pain in my throat, I was screaming so loud that it hurt. Of course nobody heard, they were all baby sleeping while my head was pressed hard against the pillow.

*

*

I heard knocks in the door and without any further anticipation, I had the whole 3 family members inside.

“Cece dear, we have to talk.” my mum started.

“Sis you have to go back to school, it´s been almost a week since you see no one.” Nate´s soft voice told me.

I stared at them with panic. I didn´t want to see anyone, I didn´t want to go back to school, I just wanted to stay in bed forever.

“When are you leaving Nate?” I asked changing the topic.

“In two days,” he answered hurt. Oops…

“Cece we also have to talk about aunt…” my mother said in a low tone.

“What is to talk about?” I asked as anger started boiling my flesh.

“We will have Caroline living with us for a while.” my dad finally spoke.

“Great.” I murmured.

“You know the whole situation with her father is touchy and we will go and pick her up, the trip will take some days so…” my father stated the situation. They were leaving too, great.

“When are heading out?” I asked.

“Well that´s the thing, we can´t leave you here alone if Nate is going away too but still we have to go, Caroline won´t come algo right away with us but I guess that in a month or so... We are just going there to take care of things.” mum told me.

“Well I could ask Nicole if I could stay with her. You know, just give me two more days of isolation, I´m fine but not quite ready to deal with the mob you know? So the day Nate and you guys go, you can leave me at school and then I will spend the week-end at her house.” I said forcing a glint of excitement of my voice.

“So let´s do it!” my father exclaimed happily, quite blind in the situation of my real feelings, I started thinking I was the best actress ever. After that I smiled widely and they all headed out the door. Or almost everyone…

“School since last week has been a hell without you.” Nate told me, but I just moved my gaze for our eyes not to meet. “Gossip is loud and people keep asking me about you, some are actually really worried Cece.” he continued.

“Funny, the thing Nate is I don´t care right now.” I told him bitterly.

“You know that guy Evan has come every day since you came from the police station. I had no idea you two knew each other. Dad send him away obviously, yet he stops by everyday just to go home empty handed.” he told me with a certain pity for Evan. Evan... We screw things between each other pretty badly!

“We are not friends.” I retorted.

“Yeah? And what about Eric? He is fuming mad you don´t want to see him, he is worried and he is my best friend! I can only tell him that you are fine, but he is angry because I don´t let him see you! He is angry with me, he is angry with you!” he started quite shouting at me. “And then, what’s up with Jason? He and Evan almost beat the shit out each other right out of this house!” he said really pissed.

“I don´t know what is up to everyone.” was the only thing I answered.

“Cece god what´s wrong with you?” he asked disgusted. “Put yourself together because you are crumbling everybody!” he hissed, and I just shrugged.

“Dinner is ready!” my mom shouted from the kitchen.

“Aren´t you coming?” Nate asked as he saw me still laying in bed.

“Nope I already ate, I was starving so I didn´t wait for you guys, sorry.” I said with in cute tone.

“Okay” he finished and went out of my room.

Then my stomach grumbled in pain, I had not eaten since yesterday.