Truth hurts

Chapter 20: lets talk.

|Christina|

I waited for Jaz's response. It took her a while so I looked over at her. Her jaw was clenched and her hands were balled up. She just stared out the front window of the car.

"She's not my girlfriend, I don't think anyone could be my girlfriend except for you" she said through her clinched teeth.

I rolled my eyes at that response. I started to remember why we stopped talking, I wanted to know why she kept it away from me. It was to much of a big thing for it to be kept away. She lied about her whole identity basically.

I turned my head and stared in the same direction as her.
"Why...why did you do it? Why did you lie to me for so long? You claim that you love me but then hide behind a serious lie for soo long. Why?" Tears where now gliding down my cheek. One after the other.

"Christina, I didn't want to. That's what you have to understand. I hated that I had to lie to you. I just knew that if I came clean so quickly you would have left me. You would have saw me so differently because I'm a girl and I know you're not...you know lesbian."

"What do you mean 'So Quickly' we were together for a good six months."

She had now turned to face me "look, when I found out you thought I was a boy I was going to confess to you, but then I realised that I would you loose you. I wanted to show you that I could give you everything a guy could and even more. After you told me about your ex that night I wanted to be the one that made everything better. Make you see that you don't need a man in your life. You needed me. But I knew that if I told you from the start, we wouldn't even have what we had. I knew you wouldn't have let it get so deep." Her voice got shaky towards the end. I had never seen Jaz cry. Ever.
"Because look at where we are now. I know we both have something for each other . If I told you earlier, these feelings that we have wouldn't even exist. That's why I lied. I wanted you to realise that I can do anything better then any man could"

I gulped and looked over at her. Her eyes were pinky and her cheeks dripped. I could see in her eyes she meant what she said. I could see clearly why did what she did.

"I just don't like being lied to Jaz. A lie as big as that too. I thought you were a guy. I thought I fell in love with a guy. It makes me feel like I don't even know you. Makes me feel like this may not be the only lie you've told me or only secret you've kept from me. I do get it though. I get why you did it. Looking at it all now it makes sense, if I'm honest I don't think I would have let it get any further. The question is will I still let it get any further? " I looked down for a moment and thought about the question I just asked. I guess Jaz was too because it was silent.

I didn't know what to do. I don't like girls. I just can't see my self being like that. But at the same time I fell in love with a girl and I guess I can say I'm still in love with her. It's just so muddled up an complicated in my head. I loved Jaz but I'm not lesbian. It makes sense but it doesn't. I didn't even get it. I needed to think. I knew that even if me an Jaz still got together, I'd be weirded out and feel funny. I didn't feel comfortable yet with accepting that I loved a girl.

"I think we both need sometime to think." She finally said. "I do want to prove to you that there isn't much of a difference with being with a girl. But i have to let you decide If whether you want me too."

I sighed " I'll think about it" I finally said whilst I reached over to her and dried her wet cheeks with my thumb.

"I do love you Christina. I wouldn't want to hurt you on purpose. I'm sorry for keeping it all away from you for so long. I just wanted you to understand."

The words I love you stuck to me because I loved her back but I wasn't comfortable with saying it yet. " I do understand"

I looked out of the front window and saw Jaz's date standing outside the party looking around.

"Somebody's looking for you" I said

She looked up in the same direction I was looking. "Ahh shit". She put on her glasses before looking back at me. "If you do make up your mind let me know. Even if it's not what I want to hear. I honestly just don't want us to be like this anymore. We can at least be friends right?"

I found it hard to agree to that. Becoming friends with someone you were in love with was probably one of the hardest things ever, and I knew she knew that too. But understood that she didn't want to loose me, the exact same way that I didn't want to loose her.

I nodded and we hugged before she rushed out the car to accompany her "girlfriend". It made my blood boil seeing them together.  Jaz didn't even like her. She pretty and shit but she's not me and will never be me or try an take my place.

She looked over at the direction that Jaz had came from. I guess trying to work out where she had gone. She spotted my car and was squinting at it. I know she knew it wasn't Jaz's car so I decided to be petty and turn on the light inside my car so she could see that Jaz was with another girl.
I switched it on and took a sip of my drink before looking her in the eye.

All of a sudden she started to bug out on Jaz. I'm guessing she knew who I was and wasn't fond of her 'girl' being around me. I laughed as she made her scene in front of the house and I laughed even more when she walked over.

I slid down my window on the passengers side and waited for her to approach it.

"Hey girl wassup?" I smirked.

"Don't FUCKING 'hey girl' me. We ain't cool. WHY THE FUCK YOU WITH MY GIRL?"

"I'm sorry I'm right here, lower you're tone babygirl. And last time I checked JAZ didn't have a girl. So I think you should take that up with your 'girl' Jaz.
And don't fucking come over here screaming on some next shit when I didn't come at you like that. No wonder why Jaz hasn't cuffed your ass yet, yelling like some dog on the street."

"Who the fuck is she-" she stopped mid sentence as she tried to open my door.

"My car locks when it detects a bitch approaching sorry babe. So if you don't mind getting your paws off my car I would appreciate it."

I was so heated but I couldn't let this bitch get onto me. I just had to make her look stupid in front of Jaz. Which was working, but Jaz also looked pissed at me.  I didn't give a shit, she came at me.

All of a sudden the bitch start yelling, spraying all her left overs up in my car so I put the window up.

"Oh Bitch you tryna shut me out huh?"
She screamed through the window. "You want me to leave you alone huh? You're punk ass don't have the balls to fight."

"I don't know about you, but I don't have BALLS. Go check yourself you might. I don't waste my time on side bitches like you, you is only temporary" I screamed back. And as soon as I said that this bitch pushed Jaz out the way and spat on my window.

I was FUCKING heated now.

She walked off back to the party thinking she had won. No bitch.

I started my car and drove out of my spot following Her and hit her ass so hard she flew on top of my car.

I got out and dragged her off my car by her tracks, leaving her off the floor. By this time Jaz was cleaning her spit off of my car window.
I was so angry I just wanted to cry.

"GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR AND GET YOUR SKANK ASS BITCH. She lucky don't beat her ass right FUCKING now" I screamed at jaz in front of everyone.

By this time all my friends were outside including Donnel. I'm guessing he saw what happened as he shook his head at me.

I didn't even care about him at this point. I got in my car and sped off. I didn't even know where I was going. I just didn't want to be here. I wanted Megan so bad. I wanted the only one who could understand me soo bad. All I could do was cry and drive.

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A/N hope you guys like it. Comment your thoughts.