Truth hurts

Chapter 15: Im a girl

|jaz|

It was silent.

"Wait, what?" She sounded slightly teary she turned the light on in my car and turned face me looking at me hard.

"I'm a girl Christina. Not a guy. I'm a lesbian stud." I explained.

Her faced looked confused but scared at the same time. She slowly reached over  for my chin and turned my head towards her slowly.

|Christina|

"I'm a girl."

The words weren't syncing in. I was so confused, I couldn't speak. Like what the fuck. Jaz is a what? A g-girl. I've made out with a girl, I've given hickeys to a girl.
I've fallen for a girl.

I looked over at her and saw it all. It wasn't a he. It was a she.

I wasn't sure on how I felt. I was just horrified at the fact that all this time I thought she was a male. And she made me believe she was a male. Anger grew inside of me, the fact that it took so long for her to come out, she tricked me. Left me to think I could have a future HUSBAND and have KIDS one day with HER. I didn't even know how to react to what I had heard.

I sat there staring out of the front window and slowly unbuckled my belt before opening the door slowly and stepping out to walk home. She didn't even stop me, she knew not to. I was still trying to process everything. Still trying to deep all the shit we've done together, sleep overs, the dates,the make out sessions, the heart to hearts, the Netflix and chill, even the times where I nearly done shit with her,no fucking wonder why she stopped me.  Everything that I had done was with a girl and I hadn't even known it. I felt so dumb and disgusted in myself. I felt sick and hurt. I flew home and clasped onto my bed.

She tried to call and text me but I turned my phone off. I stared up at my ceiling. My thoughts were all over the place.

What the fuck has just happened?why to me?I just did not understand. How could I not have known? Was I that blind?
I began to tear up and eventually burst out into tears, I was in love, I felt it. I was so confused I didn't know what to do or think so I let my mind settle and fell asleep.
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|jaz|

I parked up in my drive and sat in my car for a good 15 minutes. Tears rolled down my cheeks. she just left. I couldn't even stop her because I knew that I hurt her bad. It was only at that moment when she walked away I realised that I loved her.
I can't believe I let it get to this point. I had basically sold her so many dreams. I took out my phone and searched for her name, it rang over and over but no answer. I honestly just wanted to know if she was alright which was dumb because I knew she wasn't.

I wiped my face and turned the engine off before stepping out of my car and locking it. I walked into my house and shut the door slowly before trailing up stairs.

"Honey dinner is down stairs when for when your ready" my mom called from her room. I ignored her and walked into my room slamming the door and jumping onto my bed. I screamed in my pillow and weeped until I fell into a deep sleep.

5:00 am. Saturday

I had woken up from a real bad dream, I was sweating and all. I felt sticky. I knew that after that dream I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I just went to have a shower. I walked to the bathroom and looked at my self. Remembering what I had done the night before. I brushed my teeth and took a long bubble bath. I needed to relax my head and figure out what I was going to do next.

I needed Christina to give me another chance. I needed her to just open her eyes and look past this. I just wanted to know what was going through her head and answer all the questions she had. I was ready to be fully honest with her but she needs to give me a chance of course.

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|Meagn|

I had just woken up from my beautiful dream and stretched. I reached over to my phone to check the time. 11:17 am. I had also come across some miss calls and of course they were from Christina. They were all made around an hour ago so I knew she was awake. I called her back and she answered at the first ring.

She looked horrible. I could tell she had been crying and sniffing. She was laid up in bed with the sheets up to her neck and the phone against her pillow. Her eyes were blood shot and her nose looked like Rudolph. I haven't seen her like this for a while, she only got like this when she was heart broken like with her previous ex. She sniffed down the phone. I just knew what had been up.

"Baby you okay" I asked softly.
" noo Megs I'm not. I'm not okay. I want to be but I'm not and its hurting so bad" she answered.
"Christina I tried to tell you babygirl, but I guess it's best that it came from her" I explained.
"I don't know what to do Megan. I fell for her so hard. I don't know if I can still go through with this knowing she has a vagina. You know I don't play for that team. I have nothing against being gay but that's just not me" she cried. " I was falling hard Megan. So fucking hard"

I felt bad, I hated that fact that she felt like this. I love this girl to freaking much to see her hurt. She deserves better much better than this. She's the good girl. The loyal and loving one.

"I know Chrissy." I sighed "so do you know what you want to do right now?" I asked to see where her head was at.

"Noo. I don't want to talk to her. I can't because I know I'll crumble. I don't think it could ever be the same. I think I live her Megan. I feel it, I do."

I nodded and sighed. "Want me to talk to her?"
She shook her head and I could u derby bad why she said no. I wouldn't just be talking to Jaz.

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|jaz|

2:00 pm

I was over at Trinity's, we were in her room watching poetic justice, which was my idea. It didn't help at all. I laid my head in Trinity's lap and ranted about the whole situation.

" I knew I shouldn't have told her. I've hurt real bad now. I've tried to call her and text her. I left her endless messages. I just don't know what to do. Why did I leave it this long?" I sighed "I think I love her. For real. I've honestly never felt this way. With her it all felt right. All felt like it could last forever. But me I was being stupid and selfish and just wasn't thinking."

"I don't even know what to say. But all I can say is that you did do the right thing Jaz. She wanted someone who could be honest and real with her and that's what you gave her. To be honest if you dragged this out even longer it would have been a lot worse. She'll come around Jaz" she reassured me.

"And if she doesn't? Because losing her would be the shatter of my heart. I can feel that I'm on the edge of losing her. I really just want to talk her."

"Jaz it's all still fresh to her. Right now she isn't in a state to talk clearly" she pointed at my phone. " but she will eventually. She will want you to just explain everything to her. You know, like why you hid it the fact that you're a girl. Honestly from this point on you've just got to be honest. "

And she was right. I should have just been honest in the first place.

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A/n
Sorry it took a while. Again started to run out of ideas on this chapter but I do hope you like it. Keep commenting. I try to update quicker when ever you guys ask for a new chapter.