Truth hurts

Chapter 16: Just talk

|jaz|

Friday

It's been a whole week and me and Christina still haven't spoken. Every chance I got I tried to say something but she'd either walk away, be blunt as fuck or talk to somebody else. I could feel her anger towards me grow each day. All I wanted to know was where her head was at but I don't think she even knows that. I honestly want us to work around the fact that I'm a girl. I want her to open her eyes  and see that this doesn't have to stop anything. I just want her.

It was last registration and I kept looking over at Christina, most of the time she was already looking at me but looked away when ever I looked over. I would ask her if she was alright now and again and she would just nod. The bell finally went and everybody got up to leave the classroom. I saw Christina speed off and I ran after to her. I ran in front of her and started to walk backwards facing toward her. I needed to talk to her before we left for the weekend.

"Christina can we please talk, I know you don't want to but I do. I'm sorry for hurting you, I really just want to be honest with you, please let me be honest with you."

She stopped at the word honest and I knew then that I had fucked up.

"You want to be honest now? Only now?" She sounded croaky. She shook her head an looked down walking around me an out of the building.

I collapsed into a locker and sat with my hands in my head. She wasn't going to forgive me or even hear me out, I don't blame her but she's got to give me a chance. Few moments later I felt a nudge. I slowly looked up to see Raven.

"What's up? Why you on the floor for? She softly asked.

"Christina"

It was silent.

"She still not talking to you?"

I shook my head looking down.

She sighed." It is going to take a while Jaz but I know how much you want to talk to her. She must mean a lot to be honest. I've never seen you this way.

I shrugged.

"I'll talk to her. I'll see how she's feeling and then tell her to talk to you, you know, to hear you out."

I slightly smiled but then it disappeared real quick. Christina wasn't going to listen she was too hurt.

"What ever you want to do. She's not going to listen anyway."

"Okay.... She may not listen to me but I know she'll listen to Megan" she said confidently.

"But you're forgetting that Megan isn't quite fond of me either Raven. I know she don't like me I've hurt her best friend. I've tried to reach out to Megan but no luck. She's either ignored me on purpose because I've seen that she read it, or reply bluntly because she doesn't care. I don't know what to do anymore." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"I'll talk to her for you okay? And I'll let you know where her head is at. Now come on I'm not tryna stay here over the weekend boo" she said getting up an holding out her arms to me.

I reached out and got up walking with her to her car.
---------------

|Christina|

I was at home alone. It had just gone 7 and everyone was out. My mom went to a diner party and my dad was working. I sat on my couch with a bowl mixed with salt popcorn and some candy. I switched on Netflix to watch the power when my laptop went off, signalling that someone was FaceTiming me. I reached for it and read 'RAE😊👭' it was Raven.

"Hey girl" I answered fiddling with my remote to find Power. "What's up?"

"Nothing really just wanted to check up on you. You know. see what was going on. Haven't seen you properly this week. You been okay?" She asked

I sighed because I knew what this conversation was going to be about. I looked at her and she was looking right back at me "Raven if you've called me to talk about Jaz then forget it. I'm not trying to talk about her right now I'm trying to watch power."

" Christina, you know what you're doing is bad. Bottling up how you feel will honestly just result to something bad. You'll grow depressed and have anger issues and become stressed and eventually grow grey hairs and live alone with..."

I cut her off. " alright Rae damn. I honestly don't know what you want from me. Jaz hurt me and that's the end of it. "
I stuffed popcorn in my mouth.

"I know she hurt you Chris and I'm sorry for keeping it away from you for so long. Do you think things could ever be like they used to?" She asked.

"Honestly no, I fell for her hard Rae but after this I don't think I could ever look at her the same. It's not even that fact that she's lesbian or bi of whatever it's the fact that she lied to me" I could feel myself tearing up "for so fucking long she lied to me."

"I know Chris, don't you want to let her know how you feel. I know you don't owe nothing to her but I know she still cares about you and she's really worried."

"And she should be! Do you know what she said to me today? That she wants to be honest. All I ever give is honesty and only now she wants to return it. You're right I don't owe nothing to her so no I will not talk to her." I switched power on and started to sing the theme tune.

"Christina I know you're angry at her but I know for sure that you have something to say to her, just tell her how it is. Let her know whats up. Christina she still cares. Just talk to her. Y'all don't have to be cool just clear the air. Say what you gatta say."

I sat there with a hand full of popcorn taking in what she was saying. Should I actually talk to her? Nope I'm not gonna to. I'm still not ready to talk to her lying ass, but I knew if I told Raven that she would bug me forever.

"I'll think about talking to her. I've got things to say. It's all about timing." I said.

" thank you Chris. Trust me it will all end well"

" I sure hope so." I sighed and stuffed the popcorn in my mouth.

"Well I'll leave you to watch power. Gatta do some catching up myself." She chuckled.

I nodded and we said said goodbye before ending the call.

I place my laptop on the coffee table before getting Comfortable.

Mid way through the second episode I was watching I got a text.

Jaz🙃🖕🏾

I hope you do want to talk soon. I'll give you all the time in the world. Just let me know.

Me:
Thanks.

Looks like Raven filled her in already. I still don't want to talk to Jaz.

|jaz|

I had just got off of FaceTime to Raven and she had told me she spoke to Christina. I was kinda relived that she said she'll think about it. All I had to do was convince her to talk to me. I think I know how.