Locust Lane

Chapter 23

{Amir}

"Are you okay?"

Only her voice could get me out of my thoughts. Saraji had gone to run some errands, but she promised to be back before visiting hours were over. I told her she didn't have to, but she insisted that she did.

"Amir?"

I attempted to sit up, but her hands shot out in my direction quickly.

"Take it easy! You need to rest!"

She looked so concerned, which I almost laughed at. I've been out of it for a while. It hurt like a bitch when they ripped my stitches out earlier, but I'm okay. At least that's just want I'm going to keep telling myself.

"They've been trying to get me up all day. It's okay for me to get up. My cheeks hurt from laying on the bed that long anyway. Let's sit on the couch."

She laughed at me briefly before helping me get up. It's almost as if she thought I was a very fragile baby or piece of glass. She was being so gentle, and I can't say I actually mind. She's so damn cute.

I sat on the end of the sofa furthest from the bed, while she sat almost directly beside me. She left enough room for the big bag that was on her arm.

"So... I know your birthday was a few days ago. Too bad you missed it."

Birthdays aren't exactly important to me. At least not the celebration aspect of them. Never have had a birthday celebration. Or party I guess. For multiple birthdays in a row, I would get ass whoopings, almost killed or arrested, and oh heah, molested. Needless to say, this was my favorite birthday.

"Trust me Ji, this has been the best birthday I've ever had in my entire life."

She looked so sad, but she tried to lighten up. Maybe she wanted to ask me why, but she didn't.

"Well, I thought I would be a nice friend and get you a gift. I know you would probably need something to wear when you get to go home, so I got you a Nike outfit. And also, I got you some cologne."

She showed me the sweatpants, long sleeved shirt, and the red polo cologne. As nice as she is, I thought she was going to try and save her money up. I remember us having a conversation about that before. Just the pants alone is way too much to spend on me. I don't recall ever getting any gifts from anybody else on any other birthday.

"I can't accept these Saraji."

"Well I know you aren't going to leave here in this paper thin gown." She lightly pinched it before letting out a little laugh. "If it makes you feel any better, I got a discount on the clothes. I work at the Nike store in the mall for now."

Good thing she found something better than Greater Greens. Speaking of that shitty place, they fired me. They fired me the night I was rushed to the hospital. Before then, I had no points, no write ups, and I would always be thanked for the great job I do. But they just threw me away the first chance they got. To be quite honest, my chances of going back there were slim to none anyway. I almost bled out on their floor! It still hurts that they did me like that though. I'm almost sure I could sue them, but I won't presue it.

Now, I'm jobless. Don't have an apartment. Nichelle texted me about it all. She put my stuff in storage for me.

"Amir?"

Saraji put all the stuff back in the bag and moved it.

"You must have so much on your mind."

"Plenty. Thank you though Saraji. I appreciate the gifts."

She lightly smiled then her gaze fell down to her lap. It was almost as if I all of a sudden made her nervous.

"This is all too fucking much." I mumbled as I reclined more.

"What's the main thing that's bothering you?"

Adam and Tasha. Adam is ruthless as fuck. If he would try to kill me when I as twelve, I know damn well he would now too. There's no telling what he would do to me. He's the reason I have nightmares. Why I would wake up screaming and crying when I was younger. There were so many times I was interrogated about who tried to murder me. So many people tried to pry it out of me, but... I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. The truth would probably set my mind, heart, and soul free though. Also my body. Into someone's cemetery.

For obvious reasons, I can't tell Saraji any of that, though. The next thing would have to be Jennifer.

"Jennifer."

"Are you doubting that she's your real mother?"

She had my nurse give me a packet. In the packet, there were so many forms of proof. My original birth certificate and social security card. Paperwork from when I was released from the hospital. Apparently, I was premature. That must be why my twin didn't make it. I gotta say, that hurts my heart. Things would have probably been so different if I grew up with my twin.

"That's my mother. No doubting that, but... It hurts. If she truly cared, why would she miss a majority of my life?"

That's the part that truly bothered me the most about this whole thing. Many have tried to explain how incredible a mother's love is to me, but there are no perfect words. I remember being teased because I had no 'real mom'. I remember crying every single day because I didn't have anyone to love me. I was a sensitive kid, but I had to grow up and toughen up quick.

"Amir. Did you her her reasoning for why she wasn't there?"

"Yeah but, you'd think that she would have reached out to me sooner. I get that she had to recover, but did it take eighteen whole years?"

"Maybe. Not only the physical healing, but the mental as well. Sounds horrifying what she had to go through. You have her now Amir. Isn't that what matters the most."

I shook my head and looked away from her.

"You've had mommy and daddy your whole life. Of course you wouldn't understand."

My gaze shot back to her as soon as those words left my mouth. I didn't mean to be such an asshole. My life isn't her fault.

"Be that as it may, I spent a few years without them. It was tough, but... we got through it. Now my relationships with them are getting much better. I may not have had them then, but now I have them whenever I need someone. Even if it's just to talk. My mother wasn't always the best, but she tries. I appreciate that."

Good, she didn't get mad. I understand her story, but these situations aren't really similar. She doesn't understand how I feel. I don't think anybody ever will. Don't even know why I felt like opening up to her like this. I've been so cold hearted to mostly everyone for all these years, now here she is trying to sabatoge my guard.

"Amir... as I mother, I would be devastated of my daughter didn't want to have anything to do with me. I wouldn't expect her to understand it all, but.. I would want her to hear me out. Please at least just hear your mother out. She really loves you, and, Amir, you deserve to be loved."

"Yeah." I chuckled. "Right."

Attempting to look away from her caused her to place her hand along my jawline.

"Don't be so sarcastic. You think I lied?"

"No. I get it. I deserve love because everyone deserves love. Generic shit."

"No." She moved closer to me. "You deserve love because you're you."

Before I knew I knew it, her soft lips pressed against mine. Even though I knew it was wrong, I didn't bother to pull away from her either. I've been wanting this for the longest.