Locust Lane

Chapter 4

{Amir Calhoun}

Anger swarms my heart to the point where there's limited room for anything else.

At times I think about my life, and I feel like getting violent. I can't even count on one hand how many times I've literally beat myself up about the shit that has happened in my life. I let so much fuckin' bullshit happen that never should have.

There ain't a person alive that knows how many times I was molested except for me and Tasha. It started when I was six and went on until the night before my thirteenth birthday. My dad would always teach me that it was wrong to hit women, so I just let that shit happen to me. I did try to tell her I didn't like it and it was wrong, but that's when she would beat me then do whatever she wanted to my body. That was also he same man who told me that he would never do anything to hurt or betray me. Given that I brought in my thirteenth birthday fighting for my life, I doubt he's the best person to take advice from.

As I laid on a bunch of sticks and grass, staring up at stars, I began getting... hopeful. I seated getting excited at the thought that I would be able to be with my grandmother again. She had passed away four years prior to that moment, but at times I would cry for her like I just got the news that she was gone. It's like, she was my everything. I would always call her my mommy, because she was the only mother I knew. I still miss her so much.

When I woke up in a hospital a month later... I don't know. I started feeling hateful. I expected to wake up in my grandmother's arms, in a better place, but instead I had to wake up to a bunch of machines and wires and shit.

At times I question why I even survived.

I had the chance to tell the police everything but... I just kept imagining my father stabbing me over and over. I had no idea what he'd do to me. So, I lied. Lying caused me to go through psychiatric evaluations, counseling, and faking taking pills that probably really would have made my ass crazy.

The man who saved me, him and his wife adopted me. Things were going decently, but really I was terrified of the man. He was such a nice person at times, but he had moments when he would go insane. One day he started going off on me and his other kids. He got so mad that he started hitting on all three of us. Shit was crazy, so instead of taking the abuse, I ran away.

Well, I ended up getting caught. That lead to me continuing my life in the system. I was adopted into another family, but they daughter tried to treat me like Tasha would. Instead of being a coward, I knocked the shit out of her. Her parents didn't want to press charges or anything but I was kicked out.

The next family that took me in, they didn't have too much trouble out of me. At that time I was of working age, so work and school was my life. I just used their home for a place to lay my head early mornings.

I saved up all my money so that as soon as I turned eighteen, I could leave with no problem. I found me another, better paying, job before I left them though. Don't like this fucking place, but I gotta work somewhere.

Th...

"Ayeeee nigga!" I felt someone nudge my shoulder to get me out my thoughts. "Man yo mind be everywhere but here sometimes. Like I was saying though, I know you gon' come through to Janieka house party this Saturday."

When has John ever known me to be the party type? Shit I used to be, but this nigga didn't even know me then. I don't want to have to deal with none of these muthafuckas no more than I'm actually obligated to. Fuck all that.