Dream On (Jonathan Toews)

Chapter Thirteen| The Window

Jonathan

After a silent ride home Mary Kate goes straight into her room while I tried figuring out what had just happened. I felt shitty for leaving her alone but she insisted I hung out with the guys. I paced the floor of the kitchen and tried to figure out what to do. It's hard to fix something when you don't really know the problem. She wasn't like other girls. She didn't want to hear that everything was going to be okay or that the guy was an ass. I wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. I know she wanted space but she's probably scared, that guy was much larger and much drunker than she was. I continue pacing the floor and run through my options when a mostly sober Patrick comes through the door.

"Dude what happened" he asks putting his winter jacket up on the hanger and kicking off his shoes. "Some guy was harassing Mary Kate and she was begging me to leave so I took her home" I explain and he nods. "Is she okay" he asks and I shrug. "Listen, I know you're not good at the whole relationship thing, but she just went through something pretty traumatic. We all saw it and was waiting for you to step up. She doesn't realize how good looking she is and refuses to believe that there are bad people in this world. It's going to be hard for her. But you need to be there when she's hurting like this" he says pointing to her door. I know he was right, I just didn't know what to say. What if I said the wrong thing? "I know Pat, I just don't want to fuel the fire" I explain. "Maybe she doesn't want you to say anything, just be there for her and go from there. She really likes you Jon, and not many people understand you. Lord knows I don't. But she does, let her show you" he defends. I nod and let out a sigh before turning to her door. Here goes nothing.

I lightly knock on the door and nothing happens, she was really tired so maybe she was asleep. I turn the knob just to make sure she was okay and that's when I heard the worst thing ever. I found her crying softly in the loft overlooking the city. I decided to intervene because I felt really bad and wanted to help. I hate admitting that Patrick is right, but he is. "Mary Kate" I softly so she knows it's me and I wouldn't startle her. It was really dark and no sounds were coming from anywhere. "Mary Kate Fletcher" I repeat and she turns to me with tears falling heavily. She sniffles and gives a little wave, it was kind of cute actually.  I sit down and study her trying to find the right things to say. "What can I say to make things better" I practically beg. I hated knowing she was upset and wanted to do something, anything, to make her feel better. "Silence sometimes projects the loudest. Words aren't the answer to everything when they often times mean nothing" she explains and I become confused. "What do you mean" I ask softly. "Do you know why people hate silence? Because in the silence you'll hear nothing but your own thoughts, everything you ever wanted or didn't want to know, it's all there waiting to be discovered. No static or opinions being shoved down your throat. Your beliefs, fears, desires, everything you could ever dream up is right under your nose and most people are moving too fast to see it. People think the silence or dark is bad because they're tied to bad things, but it's the difference between the way I see things and the way everyone else sees it. In the silence I hear it all, why things are they way they are, why people insist on being stuck in their ways. Things I would never know if I was the one always talking instead of listening" she explains. I watch her as she talks, nothing but her plump lips moving as she stares over the city, her still frame looks as if it is painted into the room. "But why are you crying" I ask. "Sometimes I just need to cry. It's not good to hold emotions in but it's not good to cry in the middle of dinner. Most nights I find my emotions escaping and it's not a bad thing, but it is important to let them out. There's no singular reason, rather a bunch of things. Life isn't easy, anything worth having isn't. But just because I know or understand how life works doesn't make it hurt any less. I hated the fact that guy could have easily had his way with me because I was just a pretty face in a bar. I hate that I can't go to my mom for comfort after. Most of all, I hate that I have so much but feel so little" she says letting another tear fall. "I honestly don't know what to say" I respond honestly. She seems to have it all figured out but is fighting it. "I don't need you to say anything, I've heard it all before. I've been through the shittiest thing ever but became stronger in the process. In due time I will be fine, but for now I do appreciate you listening. Not many people can do that" she says turning to me. "I'll listen to anything you say. You mean a lot to me and I want to help any way possible" I say grabbing her hand. "You've already done so much for me. You gave me a job, a roof over my head, amazing friends and so much more. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for you. I cry almost every night, nothing you can do to prevent that. You've helped me live out my dreams, dreams I've forgotten about" she says with a smile. My heart rate picks up as her words soak into my mind. Her heart was kind and mind was strong, but the way she made me feel was unlike any other.

We sit in the window silently, I wrap my arms around her as she places herself in my lap. We watch the city life pass us by and I found myself thinking. Thinking about my future, our future. The team was doing so good and Mary Kate is doing great with the team. The boys respect her and her ideals, it's cool how everything's been so smooth after all that's happen. I think about what the upcoming Olympics will be like, who would be on the team and who the hardest competition would be. And how cool it would be if Mary Kate played for USAs woman team while I played for Canadas men's team. I would like that a lot. As I ponder my thoughts I finally understand what she's talking about. Getting rid of all the distractions and chaos and you will finally see who you really are. As for me, I found out that I'm really happy.