Misery { Michael Clifford}

20.) Home Free

Carter's P.O.V

"No seriously, you guys should have seen his face when he realized Cal and I were a thing. It was freaking hilarious!" I said through my laughing fit.

As soon as Marcus left we all got together so we could talk all about his visit.

"But he bought it? That was the most important part." Ashton said and I nodded looking over in Calum's direction.

"Oh yeah, he totally bought it." I snickered.

"So, that means you're home free?" Michael asked and Cal nodded.

"Yep. Thanks for letting me borrow Carter by the way." Calum said.

"No problem mate, but you better not kiss her again. I'll kill you if you do." Michael said and Calum just chuckled.

"Mike, we have established that I'm not into girls. Don't get me wrong Car, you're stunning, just not in a get in your pants kind of way." Calum said, causing us to all bust out laughing.

"I get it Cal. You say it in a gay best friend kinda way." I said and he nodded.

"Exactly." He said

Things fell quiet for a few moments and we all zoned into the movie that was on, but I started thinking about the private conversation that Marcus and I had after Calum went to bed that night. It's really bothering me.

He asked if I missed him, I said no. I just missed the sex.

Now that I think about it, was I only with him for the sex? Because if I was, that makes me no better than him, does it?

That's all he used me for, but was I using him right back?

"Babe, what's wrong?" Michael asked me, causing all the attention to shift.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking of some stuff." I said and he raised an eyebrow at me, as if to say you better tell me.

"Marcus and I had a strange conversation after Cal went to bed. He asked me if I missed him, and I said no. Now that he has me thinking about it, I feel like I only used him for sex and popularity. I feel like such a scum bag." I said covering my face.

"Back then you thought you loved him." Gabby said.

"No, I loved the idea of him." I replied.

"He used you though, so why does it really matter?" Ashton asked.

"It matters because that's the type of person he is. I'm not like that. I don't wanna be like that, but maybe I am? Maybe I'm not better than he is." I snapped unintentionally.

I stood up and ran out of the room, and locked the bathroom door behind me, sliding my back down the door.

I put my head in my hands, laying them down on my knees.

"Baby, please talk to me?" I heard Michael outside of the door.

"Go away Michael. I wanna be alone right now." I said back.

"Please don't do this Car. None of us think you're a whore or anything. None of us can say we never used someone, because we all have. I'm almost one-hundred percent sure we have." Michael said.

"I'm sure you haven't. You're all to nice." I said back.

"No, we really aren't. You just haven't figured it out yet." Michael said.

I stood up and opened the door and looked him in the face with tears in my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Did Luke ever tell the story about Jamie? He had a one night stand with her, just so he could lose his virginity at a party. He used her. And me? My first kiss was with a girl I didn't even know because all my friends had kissed a girl before." Michael explained.

"You're lying."

"I wish I was."