I'm (Not) Sorry

Chapter 5

I woke up in a place I didn't recognize. Everything was silent. Way too silent. My head was throbbing, and my body was aching. What even happened?

I touched my head, but I felt... bandages? Why were there bandages on my head?

I remembered.

I remembered Dallas.

I remembered the bar.

I remembered beating him into the ground.

I remember him getting the better of me and beating me instead.

"Be careful," I heard a voice say. "You don't wanna hurt your head anymore than what it already is."

I looked over and saw a familiar man by my bed. "Lin?"

"How you feelin'?" Lin asked. He had those puppy dog eyes. I knew something worse was going on. Where was Jasmine?

"Awful," I said. "What's goin' on?"

"We don't know yet," Lin said, shaking his head. "Pippa's talking to the police now."

"Why would she be talking to the police...?"

"I don't know yet. We'll see."

Boy, did that make me feel better. I bit my lip nervously as footsteps echoed through the hall. In came a worried looking Pippa, and I prepared myself for some God awful news.

"Jasmine's gone," she said. "Cops don't know what happened. They think Dallas took her."

My heart stopped. My face was white with horror. Jasmine... taken... gone... The one girl who made me forget that my brain was melting with bad thoughts... Gone... No, not gone... Missing... She could be gone, though... Everything was spinning; my head, the room... Everything went black again.

I woke up in a cold sweat. It was late, and no one was in the room. Did I have a nightmare? God, I didn't know what was going on at that point. I knew I wasn't gonna be able to sleep for the rest of the night, so I just lay there. If Jasmine was still there, I would have been texting her or she would have just slept with me. She would have been there to help me. She wasn't there, though. She wasn't there when I needed her most and it was Dallas's fault. I wanted him dead more than ever. I was weak, though. I wouldn't stand a chance.

The next morning, Lin was there again. He told me he was gonna be there all day, every day if he wasn't busy. I was grateful for that. He knew he wouldn't replace Jazzy, but he was willing to try his best to help me. God, I was grateful for that. He made sure I was getting my pain meds and that I was eating right and resting when I needed to (which was a majority of the day). I thought back to the last time I was in the hospital; boy, was that a disaster. I was so happy to get out. Lin made this time feel a little better, though. He made me feel more comfortable. I was glad to have him. No wonder we're the new face of Lams.

Chris stopped in around mid-day, while I was eating. He was always a nice guy. I really liked Chris. Everyone did. How could you not? He sat down by my bed, giving my bandages a look.

"How you doin'?" he asked, to which I shrugged.

"Could be better."

"Ya think?" he gave a light laugh. "You ain't lookin' so good."

"I think he's comin' down with something," Lin said. "He said he's been feelin' sick for weeks now."

"And you were still at the theater?" Chris said to me. "That's some real dedication."

"I just don't like bein' home alone." I shrugged. "Never did. I think that's why I got a dog."

"Dogs are the best, man," Lin said as he took my half-empty plate. I wasn't really up for eating.

"You can say that again," I muttered, rubbing my head.

"Dogs are the best, man." Lin looked over at me. "Hey, don't touch your bandages. Doctor's orders."

"Yeah, whatever," I sighed.

"So, what's the news on Jasmine?" Chris asked. He stopped when he saw me cringe a bit at the name. "If you don't mind me askin'."

When Lin saw me indicate that it was fine to press the subject, he started to explain. "Cops are investigating. They got a few leads. This could be over sooner than we thought."

Please, God, I thought. I wanted nothing more.

"Cops baffle me," Chris said, shaking his head. "Dallas was blatantly abusive towards Jasmine, and they still can't figure out that he was the one who took her. I'm sorry, but I cannot understand where they get this stuff from."

"I don't really know, either," Lin said. "Cops suck."

"So, you write a beautiful musical with quotes like, 'He wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain,' then turn around and say, 'Cops suck.'" Chris smirked at Lin, who rolled his eyes.

"Let me live."

I shook my head. "Y'know, I bet this case would be solved in a week if Jazz was white."

I felt so stupid after saying that. Leave it to me to make it a racial issue, of course. I just had the gut feeling that it was true. The police was always prejudiced against people of color. You can't tell me you haven't noticed it, either. It was very possible that things were going differently and much slower because my girlfriend was darker skinned. As sickening as it sounds, it was very possible.

"It's sad that I agree with you," Chris muttered.

A lot of people came to visit me. Renée stopped by the day after. She was bawling at the sight of me. (She cries a lot.) She said she felt so bad for me for what I was going through and she was praying nonstop for Jasmine's safe return. I told her that I was doing the same thing. I didn't like seeing people cry.

Carleigh was the next to visit. She wasn't as emotional as Renée, but she was still pretty bad.

"I just don't see how this could happen," she sobbed. "You and Jasmine are probably the nicest people I ever met. You don't deserve this..."

All these visits were making Lin pretty choked up, too. Everything was too damn emotional. I didn't want to deal with it, as much as I loved everyone that visited me. I was getting letters from people, telling me that it was all gonna be okay, but I just didn't believe it. I didn't believe it.

"It'll be fine, Anthony."

No, it won't.

It won't be fine.

It ain't ever fine.