I'm (Not) Sorry

Chapter 8

Mama was so excited to have me back at home. I was happy to be back, too. She babied the hell outta me, and I honestly didn't mind. She was as close to Jazzy as it could get, and I really needed that. She fed me (even though I was fully capable of feeding myself), and gave me a schedule. I felt ten again, but I guess I needed some help in self-care.

"I know you wanna help out in the case, baby," Mama said while she made lunch. "But you gotta put yourself before anything."

We were in the kitchen, talking about random things. I just happened to bring up Jasmine, even thought I shouldn't have. Mama didn't like the idea of me going out and risking a worse injury. I dunno what can be worse than a cracked skull- Maybe one that's cracked open. I don't know. I never know.

"That's what I been doing," I said. I know I shouldn't be talking back to my mama, but, hey, I have a voice, too. I'm gonna use it. "Why can't I go out now?"

"Because, you're not better yet," she said with finality. "Once you're better, I might consider letting you go."

I sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing. I just looked at the floor and waited for Mama to say something. All that kept me from getting lost in thought was the smell of her homemade soup that I missed so much. Mama knew how to cook; there wasn't anything she made that I didn't like. Her steak's the best, in my opinion, but my sister likes her lasagna. Any lasagna is good, though.

Lin didn't visit me at home, but he called me every now and again. I wasn't getting as much fan mail, either, since hardly anyone knew where I was. I had a feeling the word was getting out, though, and I didn't really want that. I just wanted some privacy for once, y'know?

A day or so later, while we were at the dinner table, Mama had news.

"The cops are coming by tomorrow," she told me. "Your brother and sister's gonna be here, too."

I sighed. I can't stand cops, but I nodded anyway. I just sort of wanted time with just my mama, but I guess seeing my siblings wouldn't hurt.

"They're gonna ask you some questions, y'know," she went on. "Is that okay?"

I nodded again, even though I would rather die than have to talk to those guys.

"If you say so..." I was glad to have convinced her. "I'll be right by you in case something happens. That make you feel a bit better?"

Looks like I didn't convince her. I still didn't talk; just nodded again. I could tell she wanted a word or two out of me, so I said, "Yeah. That's fine."

"Good." Mama smiled a bit. I like her smile. "Finish your food, please."

She was treating me like I was ten again. I guess I can understand, seeing how fast I grew up and how little I get to see her. I'm not one of those guys to refuse orders from or disrespect my mama. I'm still her kid, so I'm gonna do what she tells me to do. As much as I didn't want to, I ate the rest of my food quickly so that I could just get it over with. I didn't have much of an appetite after Jasmine...

The cops came in what seemed like seconds. Time was going by so painfully slow, but so fast at the same time. Slow enough for me to have to wait to hold my baby again, but fast enough for me to get through the day. Does that make sense?

"So, you blacked out? You didn't see or hear anything?"

"I heard a scream. Jazzy's scream. I know her scream, and I don't ever wanna hear it again. I didn't see what happened, though..."

"That's alright." I wanted it to be over. I wanted them to stop asking me questions and actually go out there and get my girl back. I would've, but I wasn't allowed. Mama's orders.

"Do you have any clue as to where your girlfriend might be?" the man questioning me asked. My eyes suddenly widened. The phone call. The phone call. How could I forgot about the baby and the phone call?

"She called me!" I said quickly, and my voice suddenly got louder. "When I was in the hospital! She called me and told me where she was! And she's scared, man, she's so damn scared! I wanna get her out! I wanna hold her! I-"

"Slow down, please," the man ordered. I relaxed a bit, knowing I got ahead of myself. I was just so fired up about the case.

"Right..." I took a deep breath. "She told me she's in Dallas's basement. You know about Dallas, don't you? Her ex-boyfriend? He took her."

The man thought for a minute, writing some things down.

"Thank you. That's helpful. Really helpful..." He looked around, as if he didn't know what to say next. "I need to talk to your brother now. Thanks again."

He left me alone, in an empty room with no one around. That wasn't good. I can't be alone. Not after the incident; I'll just be trapped with my thoughts, which usually leads to an anxiety attack. Lin already had to calm me down a few times at the hospital when he walked in and I was hyperventilating, crying, and all that other gross stuff. So, please, if you ever come into contact with me, do not leave me alone. I can't take it. Especially when the thoughts start flooding in.

What if Jasmine doesn't make it? What if she has a miscarriage? Is it even healthy for her to be having sex this early into her pregnancy? I mean, it's against her will and all, but still. What if it isn't good for the baby? It can't be good. It can't be. Dammit; this is all Dallas's fault. Well, actually, it's mine. I was the one who had to act tough and get into a fight with him. God, Anthony, why do you always have to be the tough guy?

I leaned back in my chair and tried to recollect myself. That couldn't be right. Jasmine was out there, I knew where she was, and she had to be alive. Dallas wouldn't just kill her. As much as I hated to think it, but Jasmine was his toy. You don't see little kids breaking their favorite toys just because (well, the good kids, anyway). No, Jasmine was okay- Alive, at least. I had to find her. I couldn't just sit around anymore. I had to do something. I was going to find her, even if it meant facing Dallas again. Even if it meant another few weeks in the hospital. Even if it meant the death of me.