I'm (Not) Sorry

Chapter 7

I was shaking. Jasmine was on the other line. Living. Breathing. She was okay. Well, by okay, I mean she was still alive.

"Anthony," Jasmine choked. She was crying. I could tell. "I'm scared, Ant..."

"I know, baby," I said shakily. I was ready to cry, too. "I know. Just hang in th-"

"I don't think the baby's gonna make it!" Jasmine said a bit loudly. I froze. I completely forgot about the baby. How could I forget about the baby?

"D-Don't say that..." I tried to reassure her, but I was a little uncertain myself. "You'll be fine. Both you and the baby. Jazz, where are you?"

"Dallas's basement," Jasmine said, lowering her voice. "Ant, he raped me. He's starving me. He's beating me. He's treating me like a sex doll. This cannot be healthy for the baby."

"I know. Just, please, hang in there for me. We're gonna get you out... Jazz?"

She hung up. She just randomly hung up. My mind immediately went to the worst. Dallas saw her calling me and he was gonna "punish" her. I didn't want our baby to die... I didn't want my baby to die, either.

I told Lin about the phone call the next morning, but my explanation was a little messy. I didn't sleep after Jasmine talked to me. It was nice to hear her voice, but I never want to hear it in such a scared tone ever again.

When I finished, Lin was speechless.

"You didn't tell me she was pregnant," he said quietly.

"I forgot..." I said with a bit of guilt. "I can't believe my dumb ass forgot..."

"Well, now, we really gotta speed things up." Lin stood up and started pacing. He was deep in thought, and I could tell it. "For Jasmine and the baby."

I nodded in agreement. I couldn't wait to have her in my arms again... but what if I wasn't going to? What if she never gets out? What if she doesn't get out alive? My head was hurting again as I thought and thought of all the wrong things. I leaned over to the trashcan and threw up, which scared Lin a little.

Finally, the day came. I was getting out of that damn hospital. My head was feeling better, but my mind was still a nightmare.

I was helped out of the building by Lin and Pippa (she started visiting more), and I was on crutches for a reason I couldn't understand. Something about my skull and brain and whatnot.

"When you get home," Pippa said. "Don't go anywhere. You rest. Don't go out and be brave. Don't go looking for Jasmine. Just stay home, okay?"

"Pippa, she's my girl," I protested. "I can't just sit back and do nothing. She's my girl..."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm just as worried. We all are, Anthony. Just... don't do anything stupid, alright?"

"Not again..." It was my fault Jasmine was gone, and I wasn't letting her get hurt because of me ever again.

"Thank you," Pippa said softly. She was the perfect mother, and it was surprising she didn't have any children. She always looked out for people. Everyone loves Phillipa Soo; Perfect Pippa, I used to call her. She still hasn't let her title down.

Once I got home, Lin set me on my couch as Pippa went to the kitchen to get me something to eat. I wasn't hungry, though. I lost my appetite after Jasmine got taken. No one wants me to starve, though, so I was basically forced to eat.

"So..." Lin sat down next to me. "...You really wanna go out and get Jazzy back?"

"Yeah," I said. "I mean, she's my girl... I ain't gonna sit back and let this happen. I'm gonna do something. I wanna do something..." I looked down when Lin sighed; I couldn't tell if he was thinking or if he was disappointed.

"I understand that," he told me. "I also want you to understand that you're hurt right now. You realize you got your skull cracked? That's pretty serious. You need to take it easy for a while. I know it's hard, believe me, but you gotta do it. Got it?"

I was silent for a minute or two. "Yeah... Got it."

"Good." I saw Lin smile a bit. "You're a good kid, Anthony. I know you'd do anything for the people you love, and I think that's amazing. Don't you think for a second that anyone's upset with you. This whole thing is not your fault."

He saw right through me. Everyone could see right through me, because I can't hide shit for the life of me. I try and try to mask whatever it is I'm feeling, but I just can't do it. I didn't know it at the time, though. By now, it's just a hopeless cause.

When I didn't respond, Lin kept talking. "I know this will turn out okay. We'll get Jasmine to safety, you two will have your baby- It's going to be okay."

I sighed. "I can only hope..."

Hope. Hope was all I had. I didn't have Jasmine or my mama or my sister or my brother. I only had hope. I was starting to understand what Jasmine was talking about when she said hope was the only thing we could cling to.

Pippa walked into the room with some soup and handed me a bowl. I still wasn't hungry, but I had to eat. Everyone would get too worried if I didn't.

"Your mom called the home phone," Pippa said. I dropped my spoon in the bowl, broth hitting my eye. That stung a little.

"She did?"

"Yeah. She wants you to stay with her until this settles down."

I sighed with relief. I wanted my family again; they would help me out a lot. My brother likes wise-cracking and my sister's really sweet. They'd make me smile.

"Should we really be moving him around more?" Lin asked, to which I immediately interjected.

"I wanna go," I said. "I'd love to go."

Lin and Pippa exchanged looks before Pippa spoke. "Well, if that's what you want, then that's what we'll do. Call her up and get packing."

I smiled softly. It was the first smile I smiled in ages. The thought of being back at home was the most relieving thing I could think of at the time.

It'd be better with Jazzy in it, though.