te amo, louis tomlinson // on hiatus //

3;

emmas pov

i've never been good with telling people about my feelings. i guess the only people i've

ever really trusted are giselle and louis. giselle is my best friend, not as long as louis but

with what i'm experiencing right now, - complete and utter FASCINATON- i don't think I

could tell louis EVERYTHING. sometimes i wished i looked like her. she has medium length black hair and the most beautifully elegant eyes. it's not really envy, i just think she's extremely beautiful. she's also really witty and intelligent. now, louis... i met louis in primary, and we basically clicked.

we weren't much alike at all to be honest, but he cracked open my shell just a tiny bit, and

i don't know if i can say the same today. i built my walls so high, and giselle is the only

person I allow now, just to keep myself safe from rejection. I don't think Louis would use

his frankess against me, but i'm just terrified. so terrfied of what he thinks. i guess i've

liked louis since the second year of junior high, but i hid that much easier. i'm 17 today, so

i've liked him for about 4 years. i know, just crazy of me to hold it in for that long. Honestly,

i'm not a very reserved person all the time, really, believe me. I can be really carefree and

expressive, but lately i've been feeling down. and it's because of him. he always was the

reason i was happy in the first place.. why can't it be like that now? "UGH!" i yelled as i found

myself dropping my mug. that happened a lot when i was upset, clenching and unclenching

my fists so much to the point where i don't give a hell if i'm holding onto something. breath,

clench, breathe, unclench. and sometimes that worked, and sometimes i ended throwing a

lot more down. i've had a kind of- sort of traumatic childhood. my mom died at a young age,

i never heard much of her besides that she had me at 17 and it was a suicide. my dad raised

me all by himself, he never really found anyone for him after my mom died, and he wasn't

terrible to me either. he had every right to blame it on me in all honesty, the pressure of

a child is overbearing but i didn't have any knowledge, i simply didn't KNOW. i was new

to this cruel world, barely learning the ropes. anyways, my dad always did everything he

could to provide for us, he worked at a car garage and he often joked about passing the

business down to me. i always laughed and shook my head because there was NO WAY i

was gonna start liking cars. i was always, for as long as i can remember, interested in

literature. i loved reading, writing and anything like that. i'm not sure what my mother was

like but i know i did not get that from my father. i tried bringing her up around him but

he always hesitated, opened the newspaper up a bit larger, and asked how my day went.

my father always told me to believe in myself and to always keep my chin up, and just

be CONFIDENT. i wasn't as insecure about how i looked, i was insecure about my thoughts

and feelings. he never approved of that either. he said because i chose my friends wisely,

knowing that they would never turn their back on me, that i shouldn't be ashamed.

he was always very fond of Louis. he always came around after school for dinner or to

play video games and just to hang out. he always told my dad that when he was old enough

to get a job, he'd start working at the garage. my dad would laugh and ruffle his hair while

there was a gleam in his eye only i noticed. he was HAPPY. he didn't show much emotion

before i met louis because i was much more troubled than most children my age. he'd just

shrug me off and call me the damsel in distress. although i giggled at him and poked at his

sides he just sighed heavily, ran his hands over his face and got back to work, i never

thought of how he actually felt. louis saw that i wasn't as carefree as he was so he kinda

took me in. he never cared about what other people thought of him and i guess thats whats

been pulling me in for so long. i remember in first grade he told me he thought i was cute

but i pushed him down onto the playground floor and yelled "cooties!" at the top of my lungs.

he hasn't let that go still, still sending me reminders of that moment, and in the midst

of everything, i just wish, wish with everything in me, that he still feels that way. but i cant

see it. i see him with a pretty girl who isn't in distress, that could make him happy, like he

made me happy. oh i wish a lot of things.. and one of those things is louis tomlinson.

-

a/n : heeellloooo again. literally. so i posted the prologue and this chapter in one day... in one hour.so yeah writing this was really fun bc i was making stuff up along the way and its so fun writing is so fun idk i find a lot of joy in it. sooooooooooo soon you MIGHT see giselle and harry's side of the story and meet quite a few new people so yeaaaasss i hope this story goes far { hope }

x,

celia