Uniquely Normal (boyxBoy)

Chapter 4- Ben

Name: Benjamin Williams

Period: 8

Class: AP English 10-2

Write about a fear, a loss, or a pain: My pain? Well, I don't open up easily. I hide behind a mask. See, i never really knew what pain was, until a year ago. Of course i try to suppress it just like i suppress my childhood fears, and loss. But what is my pain? I have several. But today I'll write about my first one. The one that is 2-faced and cradles you. then when it grows old it throws you away. That pain is love. I had a boyfriend of 3 years. and I was in love with him... he just wasn't in love with me. and it hurt. 

I thought it hurt when you told me you didn't love me anymore. But nothing will compare to the pain steak you jabbed right into me when i saw you kiss her. It ripped my heart out and cut it to shreds. 

and then set those shreds on fire.

I don't blame you, Gavin. I was so stressed too. You thought I was going to break your heart, so you broke mine instead, and worst of all, i blame myself too.

Yeah it hurt, when i learned you lost interest in me. It was kinda like someone punching me in the face. It also pains me to walk past you, pretending we never met and that our love was a "phase" or imaginary, I pretend that staying up all those nights, talking about us was fake too. It feels like a knife through my chest. Every. Damn. Time. But let me tell you what hurts me the most. What hurts me the most is that i want to tell you how I feel, but I dont have the words to explain to you what I feel. I still am waiting from a sign from you, Gavin. But i have to accept that sometimes no sign is a sign.

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I closed my Notebook and stuffed my pen into my bag, everyone was looking at me. I just looked around at my classmates. Did i have something on my face? Was my hair messed up? Then a girl to my right tapped my leg.

"hey," she said "Are you okay?"

"Yeah--" my voice came out cracked and stuffy,

I didn't even notice i was crying. stupid writing prompt. My teacher Ms. Caldwell, cleared her voice. and stood up from the front of the room. He scanned the room, with her finger. and it landed on me.

"Mr. Williams, may you please summarize your prompt in 5 sentences or less?" she asked me across the room.

"yeah--" i announced "sure.."

I looked at the students again and stood up.

"well.." i started to say. "I really did love you."

The teens in the class instantly got hooked. surprise, surprise.

"but" I continued " You were a chain smoker, and i was just another box of cigarettes."

I sat back down in my seat. I heard a couple 'wows' and 'woah, that's deep' and i guess it was. I was always into poetry. Although i had the build and stature of a football player, my passion is writing. I know it sounds cheesy, but its true.

Ever since i was little, my dad put me into jocky sports like football, and he's made me play them, go to the games, work out, blah blah blah. I was never interested in sports.

"work on football, Ben" he'd say "It'll help you in the long run"

I said 'no' once but that didn't end well. It just made us argue on the fact that i was "born to be a football star" and that my family comes from a "long line" of football players. And i obviously couldn't break the chain. he grabbed my shoulders and would say,

"what? Are you a ballerina or a man?" 

My dad pissed me off so bad. but i complied, and had to join football. I guess I can thank him for my "tank body" but i could care less.

The bell rang with a sharp squeal. It was out time and now came the time to meet my new buddy, Ryder. I grabbed my papers and stuffed them in my bag in a rush. I scooped up my bag and ran out the door.

I quickly made my way to the room we were in a couple periods ago. and it was filled to the brim with people. i just sat down.

Ryder opened the door and everyone saw, him. I swear i would hit someone if someone criticized him. he didn't care though. he sat in front of me. and smiled.

"Hey Ben," he started, "how was your day?"

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we sat there pretending that we were just friends, while everyone else in the room could plainly see that we were excited to see each other.

<3