Uniquely Normal (boyxBoy)

Chapter 8- Ryder

Writing prompt: trust

Everyone has Chapters in their heads they don't read out loud. The funny thing is I tend to Write, write, write and never publish or invest in one person to read them to. Iv'e always been a bird in a cage with an open door, but that bird just refuses to fly out. 

No one ever knew why.

I dont even know why. I'm just scared of losing my guard, and imploding into myself. It's not a very comforting thought. people have tried, one succeeded but he let me down. See, we're all so desperate to be understood, we just forget to understand.

call me an old soul.

I have a sad personality and a happy soul all in one body. It feels weird sometimes. So yes, I do have trust issues.. but so what? doesn't everyone? I just choose to exert it to it's full potential- that's all.

:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:

I was on my way home, and i couldn't stop thinking about Ben. How cliche.. I hated all that "love at first sight" crap, it meant virtually nothing to me. How could someone love another person when they barely know each other? Of course there's tons and tons of writing and movies on how love is and should make you feel. The actual rhetoric and the way they portray it is beautiful, but that was never the case for me. and maybe... that was just me.

I had one boyfriend in the past, he was bi-curious, and he broke me into a million pieces, it hurt, but i still miss him. He was a drug.

I came to realize that there are some things in life you can never get over, some transgressions, you could not forget or forgive yourself for, some pains that will not pass, some people you'll never stop missing.

I looked down at the gravel path i was stepping on, and closely synchronized my steps with my heartbeat. a 1-1 kind of beat, i pushed my head phones closer to my ear and listened to the soft melodic tunes that were by Lana Del Rey . The song Shades of Cool was playing. The Bond sounding rhythm was perfect for the the star-lit, deep navy sky above me. The aesthetic was amazing.

"he prays for love" I cooed silently, breaking the atmosphere around me, as a swayed to the utter perfection that is Elizabeth Woolridge Grant. The way she sang the song, made me lose my breath, i could drop dead and be happy.

Music was the foundation to my life. Anything slow, or tragic was my aesthetic. something about Lana's 50's vibe was utterly and astonishingly impeccable. 

I watched as the Cornfields soon turned to soft beds of grass, and listened to the music paint feint shades of heliotrope and mazarine.

I soon came upon my small house, a white picket fence glazed the exterior. I softly pulled the white gate open and stepped inside. walking up the steps and into the door, i felt a weird feeling of serenity. but it was just a wave and it washed over.

My mom was sitting on the couch and my dad was at the dining room table. nothing new.

"hey sweetie," my mom noticed. " where were you all day?"

"oh.." i slurred quietly. " I-I was with a... friend.

"Oh?" my mom added. "New friend Rydie?"

"yeah. he's new to German Valley, Supposedly"

"okay.."

"Hey Champ!" my dad cawed from the living room. "Catch any girls out there?"

"no, dad." I sighed, and I trudged upstairs, leaving the ugly feeling of me being with a girl behind. For me, that made the air heavier and it didn't lighten my mood at all. Though you hear these stories of kids, and teens coming out all the time, and their experience being great ... I dont think that's going to be the case for me.