Internal - Blurryface

Chapter 5

I wake up from the suns rays shining through my blinds, into my eyes. Pulling the covers over my face to shield the light, but instead I end up getting tangled with them and landing on the ground with a thud.

"Ow..." I groan as I slowly lift myself off the ground. It's Wednesday, which means the day after tomorrow is Melissa's party. Which, she just so happens to be forcing me to go. I guess people usually don't mind me. I mean, I'm not that approachable but I'm not the center of everyones lives, their hateful target. I just drift through mostly unnoticed, just the way I like it.

"I'm going to work, there's take-out in the fridge!" I hear my mom yell from downstairs. The front door slams shut before I have the time to respond.

I pace around my room, taking a few mental notes.

1. I haven't had a dream since Monday. Three days clean of any disturbances.

2. Three days of normalcy.

3. I'm better off without my 'mother'

4. My head has been voice free for three days

5. I'm not crazy

6. I'm becoming me again.

7. I'm definitely not crazy.

I get along to do my morning routine, starting out with a long shower. The water droplets help calm me, my worries washing off as each run off my body. After I dry off, I get to brushing my teeth and hair, grabbing whatever clean clothes I had and the appropriate coloured hoodie, and put on my under-eye concelear with a subtle eyeliner to finish it off.

One last look at myself in the mirror, and I sigh and give myself reassurance. "You are you. Nothing can change that."

With that, I rush downstairs and grab whatever Chinese food my mother managed to spare for me. She's never one on making meals, so she always orders our food. And by our I mean I get whatever she didn't devour. Opening the white styrofoam box, I see an eggroll and two chicken balls along with bits of half eaten unrecognizable food.

"How thoughtful." I sigh to myself as I pick out the scavenged pieces of food. Chomping those down in less than a minute, I grab my bag and head out the door.

A glance over at the abandoned house, the unsettling feeling coming back, and still no sign of my shadowy friend. Friend? No, annoyance. I couldn't deny it to myself, it did feel a little lonely without him. I'm almost always on my own and besides Mel, he was the only company I had.

Soon enough I'm at the bus stop, Joe arriving just as I get there.

"Hey Joe." I say, unenthusiastically.

"Morning, Hayley. What's got you down?" He asks me. He always seems to know when something's wrong.

"Nothing really," I say, taking a seat near the front like I always do, "Just missing a friend, that's all." I admit. He raises an eyebrow.

"So is that a friend or a friend?" He asks with a wink, stretching out the last word.

"Trust me, just a friend." I laugh nervously. The small talk died a few minutes later, the rest of the bus ride was left silent.

I know my shadow friend has only been around for a while, but he makes me feel better. Most of the time. The other bit he's just a bird chirping in my ear, refusing to go away. Technically, he's been there for me since Jess, in my dreams. Only recently it's been when I'm actually conscious. But now I've managed to drive him away in both.

My thoughts seem to contradict eachother. He's real and he's not real. He's my friend and he's not. I miss him and I don't. Why doesn't my mind just pick one already?