Exchange of Hearts

EOH-04

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"I'm sorry son."

"For what?"

"For being a failure."

"You're not a failure dad, please do remember that. You did your best, you found a donor and thought it would be okay, but now it's not. Your son's organ is the failure, not you." He held his chest tight as he had difficulty breathing.

"Son..."

"It's okay dad, it's okay. Maybe it's not really meant to be."

"Let's not lose hope, my son. You're still breathing, you're still living and as long as you see the light, there is hope. And I told them not to stop looking for a donor."

"But I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting. Im tired of hoping, of wishing. I can't, I can't anymore!" He closed his eyes to stop the tears from falling.

"But what about her? You told me you'll keep living until you meet her again."

My heart will find you..For I will always love you.

"It's no use dad. She's getting married. I'm giving up on her. I have to accept the fact that we can't be together anymore, that there's no possibility for us to be together. Ayoko na. Ayoko nang umasang hahaba pa at madudugtungan pa ang buhay ko."

"Gerald!"

"Let's face it dad! How many patients in this hospital, let alone the whole world, are waiting for a heart donor? I had my chance last time, di ba? Ilang taon ba tayong naghintay para dito? Years, dad, years! At ayoko nang maghintay pa ulit ng ilang taon para sa bihirang pagkakataon na iyon!" he blurted in between deep breaths. "Ayoko na po, pagod na pagod na ako."

"My son!"

"If you don't mind, I'm gonna rest now, dad. I'm really tired."

His father looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I'm really tired," ulit niya dito.

"Okay, son, take your rest now. I'll just see your doctor for an update."

"Okay," he said blankly.

He watched his father walked to the door. But before he closed it, he called him. "Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"Can we go home?"

His father's eyebrows furrowed.

"I want to go back to the Philippines. Gusto ko, doon ako..."

"I will ask your doctor," his father replied defeatedly.

He nodded his head and closed his eyes again.

What he said to his father was true. He was truly tired of everything. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Everything, down to the core of his being. He felt tired and defeated.

He thought he's finally okay. The last two years were almost perfect, he was living a life like any normal person when suddenly he felt a thump on his chest and collapsed. And found out his heart was weakening. Again. And need a replacement as soon as possible. Again. For the third time, he would need a heart transplant.

He has a congenital heart disease, an ailment he got when he was born. According to his father, halos dalawang taon daw siyang nag-stay sa hospital dahil sa kalagayan niya. Doctors were able to fix his heart but for some reason, it came back. So, nabuhay siyang palaging nasa alanganin. His mother died of a heart attack while giving birth to him and unfortunately, naipasa sa kanya ang sakit na iyon.