Exchange of Hearts

EOH-14

"Hi! Nagtataka ka siguro 'no what I am doing here," panimula ni Gerald habang sinisindihan ang kandila sa puntod ni Lloydie. "Huwag kang mag-alala, this will be the last time I'll gonna disturb you in your peace," mabigat ang loob na sabi niya sa kausap. "Para akong tanga, nakikipag-usap sa isang taong hindi naman ako masasagot," umiling-iling pa siyang hinihipan ang posporong ginamit.

Umihip ang hangin nang mas malakas sa normal. At naramdaman niya 'yon. Nawala pati sindi ng kandila na para bang sinadyang hipan iyon para mamatay.

"What the?!...." Lumingon muna siya sa paligid para masiguradong hindi siya pinaglalaruan ng kung sino man. When he saw nothing, ibinalik niya ang atensyon sa lapida. "Okay, I stand corrected. Nandyan ka lang pala sa tabi-tabi," kaswal niyang sagot. Having so many near death experiences, hindi na niya alintana kung may mga multo mang nagpaparamdam sa kanya.

Umupo siya sa damuhan, Indian style at saka tinitigan ang nasa harap niya.

" "Juan Luis "Lloydie" Cruz," basa niya sa lapida saka bumuntung-hiniga. "How do I start? Where shall I start? You know, it all boils down to one thing. Ang suwerte mo. Ang suwerte-suwerte mo. Patay ka na yet ikaw pa rin ang mahal na mahal niya. You may be dead to the whole world, but for that one special person, you'll live forever. I thought I could compete with you. I thought mapapalitan kita sa puso niya. Hindi naman tuluyang makakalimutan, but I was wishing, ako naman. Ako naman ang mahalin niya, tutal wala ka na eh, hindi mo na siya mababalikan. But I never thought fighting with a dead guy would be the hardest battle of my life. Walang-wala yung experience ko habang nag-aagaw buhay ako sa hospital. I fought death too many times just for her, never realizing it would only be useless in the first place.

Siguro naman naikuwento niya sa'yo how'd we meet. But just the same, I'll tell you that first day I saw her in a pond. She was so beautiful, not too chinky-eyed, not too fair-skinned girl, but you'll agree with me 100%, she's the most beautiful 12-year old young lady I had met. Her skin glowing even under the sun, her lips pouting like a duck." He chuckled. "That's why I called her "Bebe", by the way, it was originated from the "bibe" word. She was feeding the ducks when I saw her that time. I kinda surprised her, causing all that bread crumbs thrown to the water. Galit na galit siya sa akin, sa sobrang galit, humaba nguso niya nang mas mahaba sa mga bibe. That's when I fell in love with her." And he couldn't stop smiling when he remembered that special day, that one day he'll keep in his heart and soul forever. "You're asking how did I know?" parang narinig niyang itinanong sa kanya ng kausap. "I just....know. I just know in my young heart she's the one, that she'll be the only one. I didn't need to be a 20 or 30-year old to understand the feeling. I just know, I just feel. Yun bang pakiramdam na wala ka nang maisasagot sa lahat ng tanong. You just know it's her. And of course, we became friends, best of friends, though I tried my very best not to show nor to say how I wanted us to be more than just friends. We're still too young and ayokong makulong lang kami sa ganung sitwasyon ng ganung kabata. But she's part of my dreams, she's part of my plans, my future, my life.

Pero limitado pala ang buhay ko. Bleak pala ang future ko that time. Walang kasiguraduhan kung kakayanin ko pang mabuhay nang matagal. May sakit ako sa puso, sakit na tinatawag ng lahat na taksil. You'll never know when it's gonna kill you. But in my case, it was otherwise. I've known it from the start. I've known it when I had my happiest days with her. But my sickness did not stop me to love her. Instead, it made me stronger, made me plan a clearer future for us.

So I had to let go of her for a while. I had to go back to the States. Andun kasi ang technology na makakatulong humaba ang buhay ko. Pero hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang dahilan why I had to leave, wala akong sinabi sa kanya tungkol sa sakit ko. She didn't know then, the real reason dahil ayokong kaawaan niya ako. Ayokong isipin niya that I was weaker than a kid who had asthma.Yun kasi iniisip niya kung bakit nahihirapan ako sa paghinga. I was her Superman, her Thor, her Captain America. I was her superhero, her kuya, her bestfriend.