At First Sight

8.

I looked at myself in the mirror, smoothing out my ivory dress. Graduation day. Today is bitter-sweet. I thought I'll have both of my parents in those seats cheering for me, even though my mom is here physically she's not here mentally. She won't be able to be present on one of the happiest days of my life. And my dad won't be here to see that I made it through and all his encouraging words paid off. The two people that mean the world to me won't be here to witness my first great accomplishment and it hurts my heart. My aunt was here to help me get ready and see me off. Gia and Kay will meet me at the school. My aunt will stay here with my mother because she doesn't do well with crowds.

"Baby girl, you look amazing," my aunt said standing in my bedroom doorway. "I wish I could be there to see you walk across that stage."

I gave a small smile. "Gia will record it for you."

"How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? Alone. I thought both of them would be there with me on this day so they can see that this little girl they pulled from the system made something of herself. That I was worth it."

"Oh, honey," she came behind wrapping her arms around my torso. I let the tears fall freely. "Of course they knew you were worth it. Bringing you home was one of the happiest days of your mother's life. I remember her holding this tiny two-year-old walking up to my front door with the biggest smile on her face. And your father, well I don't have to tell you how much you meant to him. You were not their blood but they were made to be your parents. They love you and they are proud of you and you are worth the world to them."

I turned to bury my face in her neck. "I missed them so much," I sobbed.

"Hey, I know. It's okay," she rubbed my back soothingly. "Your mother may not fully understand but she's here and she loves you." She grabbed my face wiping my wet cheeks. "You're going to be late. Fix your makeup and come down to see your mother before you leave."

~~~~~

I spotted Gia and Kay in the crowd waving at me wildly. I smiled waving back. Though I would have preferred seeing the faces of my parents seeing them is the second-best thing. I've been so lucky to have them in my life and by my side. They are the best friends any girl would die to have. When it was my turn to walk across the stage with my bachelor's in child development in hand they cheered so loudly it sounded more like fifty people instead of two. I smiled crying my tears of joy as I made my way back to my seat. Things I did that: I did that.

"Girl, you did it!" Gia spun me around outside of the school's stadium. She sat me down on my feet. "These are for you"

"Oh, babe you spoil me," I said sniffing the roses.

"Oop, Stacy better not hear you saying that," Kay said handing me a small wrapped box. "Just a little something to remember this day."

I gasped when I open the box. "Kay is these real diamonds?"

"Yeah. No, I don't wanna hear shit. I can afford it and you deserve it."

"Kay..."

"Here turn around let me put the necklace on."

Gia took the flowers so I can lift my hair. She clasped the diamond grad necklace around my neck. "Thank you," I hugged her.

"So are we going to go eat or what? I'm hungry and Stacy already started grilling."

"Y'all go ahead. I'll meet you there. I want to go visit my dad first."

"You want us to come with you, honey?" Kay asked.

"No. I'll meet with you guys later."

"Okay. I'll save you a plate."

~~~~~

Walking into the cemetery on this sunny June day was so much different than walking through it on that overcast December day two years ago, but the feelings are still the same. I'm still making my way to his grave with a broken heart. When I get to his site I kneel in the grass touching his headstone.

"Hey, dad. Guess what today is? Graduation day. I did it! I wish you were here to see me walk across that stage. I miss you every day. Mom misses you too. She doesn't know what's going on around her much these days, but she asks about you a lot. Don't worry I take care of her the best I can. Finally found a home nurse she likes. She's doing okay."

"Daddy the balloon is getting away!" I heard a little girl scream. I turned seeing a little girl with her afro jumping for a balloon defying gravity. Next to her was Darryl.

"Hope, we have plenty."

"But she needs them all!" She cried.

"Hey, sweetie it's okay. Shh, it's okay." He picked her up, trying to calm her down.

I looked on wondering if I should step in or not. He looked pretty overwhelmed struggling to console his daughter while trying to keep the banquet of balloons and flowers together.

"Here, let me hold them," I offered, closing the short distance between us.

"Michelle? Hey."

"Hey," I smiled reaching for the balloons. "Is she okay?"

"Oh, she's just a little overwhelmed. First time visiting her mother's grave."

"Ah..." I didn't know what else to say. "Um, well mind if I help you? I'll carry the balloons while you carry her."

He stared down at me not saying anything. "Darryl?"

"Mm?"

"You okay?"

He sighed. "What a loaded question."

"It's cool, you don't have to answer. Just lead the way."

"Yeah. Right." He began walking carrying Hope, who was whimpering slightly. She lifts her head from the crook of her father's neck to look at me.

"Hi," I smiled.

"I know you?"

"Maybe." I chuckled.

"You're that lady from the elevator," she said.

"Yeah."

"What are you doing here?"

"Visiting my dad."

"Your dad's dead?" she asked. I nodded my head. "Were you scared? When you visit your dad are you scared?"

"At first I was scared and very sad, but then it gets easier."

She wiped her eyes. "But he's a zombie, right? All these people here...they're zombies."

"Well...they're more like skeletons. Just bones, harmless bones. But if you picture them like they were when they were alive it wouldn't be scary anymore."

"I never saw mommy alive."

I took in a deep breath. This little girl...I want to hug her. "Well have you seen a picture of her?"

"Yeah. I have one in my locket around my neck." 

Darryl stopped walking, placing Hope on her feet.

"Well, picture her as you see her in the picture."

"Then it won't be scary?"

"Then it won't be scary," I said, handing her the balloons.

"Thank you," Darryl mouthed.

"No problem. I have to go."

"Wait. Did you get my text about the party?"

"I'll try to make it," I told him before walking away.