𝟐𝟓 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 → 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐤𝐨𝐤𝐮

day two

my beloved ryuunosuke,

today was your funeral. i had to come up in front of the very little crowd and make a speech.

i felt extremely nervous. what was i supposed to say? what if i mess it up? i was never good speaking in front of people, regardless of how few that attended. 

i somehow managed to start my speech. not faltering in my words, though i had to choke back a cry that was about to burst as soon as i mentioned on how i found your body.

while I was talking i saw your co-worker, tachihara was it? and your sister, gin.

when the funeral was finished,  gin came up to me with sorrow and anger. she wanted to blame someone for your death. she wanted to blame me, but she knew better than that.

at least that's what she told me before socking me in the face and storming off.

now i know where you got your temper from. your sister really had a knack in her punch.

tachihara profusely apologized to me in her place. i wish he didn't. i know i deserved it.

i walked home alone after everyone left. it started raining since then. what a coincedence right? unfortunately, i didn't have an umbrella.

while walking home, already soaking wet and cold, all i could think of was one thing.

why couldn't i have gotten to you in time?

i got home with my clothes sticking to my skin and the cold air engulfed my body immediately. it was so cold. 

i wonder if that's how your body felt.

i trudged inside the bathroom and took a hot shower but even after that, i still got sick.

so now here i am, writing this with a tissue box next to me while the garbage can was piling up with thrown snot-filled tissues. i can clean it later.

wanna know what happened earlier this morning when i woke up? it was funny if you ask me.

i woke up and turned to your side of the bed to greet you. i imagined your warmth was still there. i wanted to kiss your forehead, like i used to do. but you weren't there. i felt cold again.

and ever since from the day i found you, i had shed a tear. tears fell from my eyes like a river. i wanted it to stop, but it just kept on falling on and on. i hugged your pillow to find a sense of comfort for myself.

it still smelled like you.

it made me feel so vulnerable and weak. i miss you so much.

i miss you. you. you. you.

this cold is really getting to me.

i will talk to you again tomorrow.

lots of love, atsushi

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EDITED; 4/6/20