𝟐𝟓 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 → 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐤𝐨𝐤𝐮

day seventeen

my beloved ryuunosuke,

i went to work today even though i didn't want to, if i were being honest.. but i'd feel guilty since i only worked for two days at the cafe. maybe one of these days i'll skip. just once.

kana-san's husband stopped by to deliver something to her. her mood seemed to shift when her husband was there.

speaking of kana-san..

remember when i wrote about kana-san understanding what i'm going through? a few years ago, she had a baby. or rather, she was supposed to have a child.

she had a miscarriage. 

she's really lucky to still have her husband. i felt envious of them.

they're still happy together, with or without a child. they're still lovers. they have each other.

who do i have?

i hate this feeling. i want to stop pitying myself. it's so stupid.

i introduced hiko to kunikida-san and dazai-san who would drop by every time when they had a break. they've become close too.

i still feel empty without you here.

ryuu, i found something in our photo album. i was looking through our memories together.

i found a neatly folded piece of paper tucked in between one of the photos.

it was a letter from you. i read it, of course.

you couldn't have made me cry for you even more. h̶o̶w̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ is that all you have to say in the letter? 

let me re-phrase that for you. it's best that you move on and forget about me.

such inspiring words that you left. especially for me.

was that how little i meant to you? 

i don't even know what to feel towards you right now.

it's so difficult to look at a picture with you in it.

i hate you for killing me on the inside so much. i hate you for messing with my head.

i'm sorry.. the tears had stained the paper again.

it will dry off like last time.

i love and hate you so much, atsushi

========

EDITED; 4/8/20