𝟐𝟓 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 → 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐤𝐨𝐤𝐮

day eighteen

my beloved ryuunosuke,

i told myself to stop. unfortunately, i can't. i don't know what it is within me that just keeps on reading the letter you've left me.

i just can't seem to grasp what you have written.

i still don't understand why you killed yourself. you can blame your guilty conscience if i ever had the chance to be involved with your problem years ago all you want, but i'd have helped you willingly even if my life was on the line.

we could've found a solution out of it if you had just talked to me.

but since you aren't here to do that, i'll put the blame on myself.

i sometimes think the reason of your death is.. related to the thing you did back then.

i don't remember what exactly happened, but i just know that it had something to do with your scars. and why i made you stop, even for a little while.

did you not trust me? do you find me that untrustworthy that you just had to do it again?

did you not believe in me enough, ryuu?

i wonder if the thought of me being important to you ever came to your mind. was i not much of a reason to live for? your husband?

husband... i can't remember the last time i said that.

do you think i'm capable of feeling genuine happiness again?

i don't like this anymore. i hate it.

i hate living this way.

fuck you, ryuu.

p.s i may be angry but i still love you

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EDITED; 4/9/20